the anti-relationship
One thing to keep in mind, I do not write this as a bitter girl who is jealous of those in relationships and thus cannot deal with people in relationships. I write this as an observer of relationships. I should also note that I am speaking of romantic relationships here, in case that was unclear.
There seem to be, as a sweeping generalization (thank you Jared), two types of relationships. The first in which both people are the better for it. This relationship does not draw any complaints from yours truly, nor should it draw any complaints from anyone else.
Then there is type 2. This is the kind of relationship that makes me desire deal out unimaginable amounts of pain to people. This is the relationship in which both people are the worse for it. This relationship manifests itself in several ways. I will provide a list of some of the more annoying:
1. blowing off friends you haven't spent time with in months to spend time with the gf you have seen almost 24/7 over the past few months
2. people who when separated by distance, say one of you is in LA for a semester, must spend all evening on the phone
3. those who discuss marriage very early in the relationship
4. those who have not learned from past relationship mistakes and then repeat them because "this time is different" (it's never different! women are still women, men are still men)
5. those who make plans to marry someone when just six months ago they were completely in love with someone else
Okay, that's all I've got right now, but you get the picture. The trouble with these relationships are that they are fear motivated. No one should be in a relationship because they are afraid to be alone. Those uncomfortable with being who they are alone will never make a good relationship. (Again, a sweeping generalization, I realize this.) Ideally, a relationship should be between two people who are really awesome as individuals and only augment each other by being together. AND this togetherness should not be all consuming. Those people who were your friends before the relationship should still feel like your friends during the relationship, if they do not, you need to seriously reflect on the reasons for this. The relationship that augments both people should not detract from who those people are as individuals, which includes of course who they were friends with before. This also includes their work. The relationship that augments should also only serve to augment each of the individuals' work. As the relationship makes the individuals better, their work should of course benefit. This relationship should also serve to better the individuals spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. Some may scoff and call me an idealist. Believe what you will, but take a moment and dare to imagine a better way. Codependence flatters no one. Choosing to depend on someone when you need them is the beauty of friendship. And if you ask me, any good relationship has in it the reflection of friendship. Anyway, late night philosophising must end now and I will go to bed. Feel free to email me about this. I would be interested in what others have to say.
One thing to keep in mind, I do not write this as a bitter girl who is jealous of those in relationships and thus cannot deal with people in relationships. I write this as an observer of relationships. I should also note that I am speaking of romantic relationships here, in case that was unclear.
There seem to be, as a sweeping generalization (thank you Jared), two types of relationships. The first in which both people are the better for it. This relationship does not draw any complaints from yours truly, nor should it draw any complaints from anyone else.
Then there is type 2. This is the kind of relationship that makes me desire deal out unimaginable amounts of pain to people. This is the relationship in which both people are the worse for it. This relationship manifests itself in several ways. I will provide a list of some of the more annoying:
1. blowing off friends you haven't spent time with in months to spend time with the gf you have seen almost 24/7 over the past few months
2. people who when separated by distance, say one of you is in LA for a semester, must spend all evening on the phone
3. those who discuss marriage very early in the relationship
4. those who have not learned from past relationship mistakes and then repeat them because "this time is different" (it's never different! women are still women, men are still men)
5. those who make plans to marry someone when just six months ago they were completely in love with someone else
Okay, that's all I've got right now, but you get the picture. The trouble with these relationships are that they are fear motivated. No one should be in a relationship because they are afraid to be alone. Those uncomfortable with being who they are alone will never make a good relationship. (Again, a sweeping generalization, I realize this.) Ideally, a relationship should be between two people who are really awesome as individuals and only augment each other by being together. AND this togetherness should not be all consuming. Those people who were your friends before the relationship should still feel like your friends during the relationship, if they do not, you need to seriously reflect on the reasons for this. The relationship that augments both people should not detract from who those people are as individuals, which includes of course who they were friends with before. This also includes their work. The relationship that augments should also only serve to augment each of the individuals' work. As the relationship makes the individuals better, their work should of course benefit. This relationship should also serve to better the individuals spiritually, emotionally, and intellectually. Some may scoff and call me an idealist. Believe what you will, but take a moment and dare to imagine a better way. Codependence flatters no one. Choosing to depend on someone when you need them is the beauty of friendship. And if you ask me, any good relationship has in it the reflection of friendship. Anyway, late night philosophising must end now and I will go to bed. Feel free to email me about this. I would be interested in what others have to say.
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