There is nothing so damaging to the psyche as hope. If I were just assume that things would always end up badly and that any job possibility of course I would not land, then I would not find myself disappointed. Rather it is the roller coaster that begins with a dim glimmer of hope and mounts toward excitement right before I realize Frosty the Snowman has a better chance in hell than I do of having my hope fulfilled that is tormenting me right now. The delusion that things could actually work out for me when all logic points to the contrary, that's what is causing me so much pain right now. Nevertheless I will continue to hope. If nothing else I will eventually go crazy and then I will be put up in an institution and I won't have to worry about getting a job to pay rent, not too many people are hiring the crazy.