I don't know how I feel right now. I'm in a tortured mood because I can't seem to process right now & not knowing how I feel is annoying. I hate that I don't feel like a priority to my parents. I mean, yeah they are paying rent for me as I can't but other than the money I don't feel like they're there. They call me every night which is more than I can handle & then they have nothing to say. And I have nothing to say because all I want to say is stop calling me every day, but I don't feel like I can do that because they're paying for everything including the stupid cell phone they call me on, so really they have the right to call me whenever they feel like it. But wow is it annoying. I just feel trapped right now by my parents, by money that has too much control over my life, but save from living on the street I can't do a whole lot about that. All I want to do is make movies and write and draw and learn foreign languages and learn how to play the recorder and travel and meet the man of my dreams. I don't think that's a lot to ask for & yet I find myself here looking for jobs just so I can earn a living and pay off those wretched loans. I haven't even written in almost 3 months because I have no inspiration. I am largely alone out here & as much as I like my alone time, I've had more than enough. I went from being with people I dearly care about almost 24/7 here in LA to almost nothing. That's a horrible roller coaster. And it's weird because as much of an introvert as I am, I need people around me & I need to be needed. I am an island right now & I hate that so much. And as much as I wasn't planning on going home for Thanksgiving, I checked flights just for fun and turns out it's about $400 to leave the island for a long weekend. No dice on that. I just want to go home and at least get my stuff. I had 5 boxes I wanted my parents to send me once I got out here. One I told them not to worry about as it's too heavy. The second had my hangars and sweatshirts. They said just to buy more hangars out here. Fine. I still don't have my sweatshirts. The last 3 are full of kitchen stuff, 2 with cookware and dishes the 3rd a small box with some spices and tea. I have been trying to get them to send me just the spice box for 3 weeks. I'm not gonna go buy more spices, that would cost at least $30 likely more. This is hell for someone who loves to cook. grr