I think I've figured out what often bugs me about talking to my parents. Whenever they call I go into defense mode, the mode wherein I expect them to know that something is wrong without me having to spell it out. For example, when they ask me how the weather is & I say the same thing every time, something to the effect of it being nice here, that's why all the people, I want them to realize that I am annoyed by them asking such a stupid question. Let's see I moved to LA by myself, have no friends and no money and they ask me about the freakin' weather!? Seriously, what is that? And I sit here complaining to you because I can't bring myself to get past the surface with them. A lot of the trouble is that when I show my emotional side to my parents they're solution is that maybe I should move home. Of course I'm gonna have bad days & of course I'm gonna cry sometimes, I'm alone out here & the world I know is changing so much, but that's just a part of life & I wish I could get to that level with them of being able to talk about serious stuff. It doesn't happen. I come from an emotionally stunted family. When I called my mom to tell her when I lost the job at Greystone she was like, oh that's too bad, how's the weather? Okay, maybe not that bad, but close enough. That's why I come to you people because I can be real & when I need you to say that sucks, you say it. You wait til the next day to give the get back up speech because you know that in the moment no one wants to hear that, they just need a minute to be angry or hurt & then they'll move on.
Anyway, I didn't want to write another downer post, but whatever. On a happy note, I had some chai today which I hadn't done in so long. It was quite delightful & I am convinced that it is the nectar of the gods, at least the Hindu ones. ;) "Oh my various gods!" - the Indian guy on Futurama, funny stuff kids.
So, Steve gave me some advice last night to do something for myself today, I kinda did that with the chai, though he was really more talking going to a movie or just spending some time out. I didn't do that because I'm sick of doing the loner thing, lunches by myself, movies by myself, cooking for myself. I just want to transplant all of my friends here and then things can be how they should, or at least how I think they should be. Anyone up for that?
Anyway, I didn't want to write another downer post, but whatever. On a happy note, I had some chai today which I hadn't done in so long. It was quite delightful & I am convinced that it is the nectar of the gods, at least the Hindu ones. ;) "Oh my various gods!" - the Indian guy on Futurama, funny stuff kids.
So, Steve gave me some advice last night to do something for myself today, I kinda did that with the chai, though he was really more talking going to a movie or just spending some time out. I didn't do that because I'm sick of doing the loner thing, lunches by myself, movies by myself, cooking for myself. I just want to transplant all of my friends here and then things can be how they should, or at least how I think they should be. Anyone up for that?
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