a bit of sadness

my thoughts are dwelling more frequently on you
and I'd like to blame in on the holidays
but if I were being honest with myself
I'd have to say that maybe it's jealousy

the landscape drifted by today
as I drove to the place I once called home
but all I recognized was the longing for you
as it floated again too often through my mind

I've known my whole life this desire
and all around me the only fulfillment of it
is found in everyone else's lives
how can I be happy for them
when my heart is crumbling

everytime I try to express these words
they feel all muddled
it seems the poetry gets lost in the pain
and maybe tonight that's okay

sometimes reality takes over the fantasy
eloquence bows to the emotion
and all that's left to say is just how much
I miss the one whose identity I have yet to know

is he out there somewhere missing me too?