are you happy where you're standing still?

You ever have moments when you really feel like writing something, but when you actually sit down to do it you have nothing to say? And that's not to suggest that there is nothing to say. Most of you don't know that when our lease is up in April Heather will be moving into an apartment of her own with her new puppy. And Nicole and I will be moving into a new place. So there's apartment hunting happening on top of job searching. Life is a little scary right now with its complete lack of stability. Tuesday night Nicole and I made a nice dinner and had some wine to toast our apartment searching. We had chicken & pasta with a white wine sauce. Yeah, the alcohol didn't really get cooked out of the sauce enough. Whoops. It was yummy though and as Nicole put it, "Who doesn't like getting drunk off of pasta?"

Wow, I just realized that this new apartment will be the 8th place I move into in 5 years. Bleh. It'll be really nice for the transient lifestyle to cease. I want a home. I don't want to fill out change of address cards at the post office. I want a job that will allow me to pay the bills, I don't care about making a lot of money. I want a relationship with a sweet boy. I want the kind of things you're "supposed" to have as an adult. I want the things I've never had in my life. I want to trust that God will bring these things to me when he sees fit. But they always seem to be walking in the other direction . . .

Somedays I feel old at 23. My oldest brother turns 21 this month. My youngest brother will graduate high school in May. Those things make me feel old. I'm 23 and have never dated. That also makes me feel old. I feel like I'm the oldest person on the planet who has never been on a date. (Catholic clergy notwithstanding, especially because you can date before you decide to be a priest or a nun. You know the pope was a player back in the day.) But then there are so many things I haven't experienced and that makes me feel like there's so much more life ahead of me. There's having a full time job, starting our production company, making films about life & alligators, being a youth group sponsor, travelling to countries I've never seen & revisiting ones I love. Hopefully there's falling in love, and pregnant waddling, building a home and a family with someone. At the end of my years I want to have walked with God, while telling stories and filling others' lives with love. I think that would be enough.

Guess I found something to write about after all . . .