on life in sadness

This has been about the longest I have gone without writing in quite some time. My friend Steve was in town last week, so I was spending time hanging out with him. It was nice to see him again, I hadn't seen him since graduation last year. He also paid for a lot of stuff as I have no money, so that was very nice of him. It was sad taking him to the airport on Sunday. In other news, I started my new "job" today. Glad to see that degree is really paying off and allowing me to go back to being an intern and not get paid. That's something to be thankful for when I send off my loan payment tomorrow. In the long run I know it will be good to be working at this place, but right now it's just killing me. My mom told me tonight again about this lady at church who always asks about me & always tells my mom how proud she is of me that I'm out here trying to follow a dream. Usually that makes me feel better. Today I just wanted to say, right now it's not a dream it's a nightmare and I don't need you to be proud of me, that doesn't help me pay my bills or alleviate my stress. I've been thinking lately, just stick it out, it can only get better. Apparently that's not true. I got a parking ticket today for the first time in my entire life. It was because the internship place told me to park on the street and then after I got there they would show me the parking lot. I started working on stuff and it totally escaped my mind until well after my meter had run out. Thanks for that. On the way home at least I was thinking, this is it this is as bad as my life could possibly get right now because I can't take much more. And then I get home to a note about jury duty. Screw that. When is it gonna break? When might things possibly change? Because I've had more than enough. We start moving tomorrow, if I can get ahold of the apartment manager to find out when I can pick up the keys. I'm greatly looking forward to this week being over. I may not write again this week, we'll see how things go. And to those of you I haven't written to in awhile, I'm not sure when I'll be doing that. I have too much on my plate right now. I hate that expression, but oh well.

(I'm technically not allowed to mention it, but should you feel compelled to click any sort of links you might find toward the bottom of this page it could greatly help me. Thanks.)