what a difference a day makes . . .

It's amazing. It's been an I hate LA week, as you can probably tell by the previous post. And last night it was all I could do to not sit in my room and cry. I've been so frustrated with God & life & feeling like I'm in this holding pattern. And it was just too much this week. Then I sat there this morning at 6 am praying and just telling God how frustrated I was with him. And I left for jury duty still angry & frustrated. I decided to put in a praise cd even though I wasn't at all feeling it this morning. "Blessed Be Your Name" came on and there's a line in that song that goes, "though there's pain in the offering, blessed be your name." That part so resonates with me. How do I praise when my heart is so sad & broken? When I feel like the one I am to be praising has done the breaking? It's difficult. Anyway, starting at 7:45 my day and week began to turn around. I had prayed for a way out of jury duty, I had to have a way out because I am going out of town in a couple days. Turns out they allow you to postpone jury duty, so I rescheduled it for when I get back. I came home and found 2 really good jobs to send my resume to, which is a big thing, some days the job postings are dismal. Then tonight I went to a party at Jon Mark's house. I was several times so close to deciding not to go. I just wasn't sure I could deal with being social. I'm more of a small, close group of friends kind of person. I don't really care for the large group setting where I don't know a lot of people. The drive over alone made it worth it. Nicole and I were having so much fun talking and laughing and just enjoying ourselves. We are random silly people, and we have a great time together. That totally set the tone for the night for me. We went and hung out with friends and met some new people. It wasn't the kind of awkward, taxing social situation that I hate. It was fun. And to top it off Shannon was able to stop by. Everything I had prayed about this morning was in some way addressed throughout the day. It was amazing. The reason I wanted to write all this is that I never cease to be amazed by God. I was so down and so disillusioned last night, wondering where God was in all of this. And today he makes himself evident in everything. Every time I'm barely hanging on and my doubts are so strong, he shines through, just at the moment when I think I can't possibly take any more. You'd think I'd learn, that I'd know he's not just gonna leave me floundering.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." (James 1:2-4)
A few months ago I wrote how I was afraid I hadn't changed at all in the past year. I think I realize now more than ever how untrue that was. For the first time in my life I'm really beginning to understand this passage in James. And more than that, I am able to appreciate it. I have quite a way to go. I didn't imagine that I'd be where I am now, a year after finishing college and officially moving to LA, but at least I feel like I am on a path toward something. All will be revealed in time. In this moment I am more than content to wait. I am now greatly looking forward to the women's retreat this weekend and the things God will impress upon me and the mysteries of the world that will make themselves known.

Have a great weekend & since I forgot it yesterday, happy belated hump day!

"But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep"