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Happy Valentine's Day Massacre!

I'm not a particularly superstitious person, so when I woke up yesterday morning and saw that it was Monday the 13th (which should seem more ominous than a good ole Friday) I quickly dismissed the thought that something strange or bad would happen. I'm not blaming it on the day, but such a thing did happen last night. I received a call from a friend and he told me he'd been in a pretty bad accident earlier in the day and he felt fine but his mom really wanted him to go to the hospital and get checked out so he wanted to know if I would take him. Of course in complete disregard to our "no hospital" policy I said yes. Thankfully aside from some soreness and pain he is fine. Still when I got home and thought about posting the Valentine's stats as I had intended to do, I thought how could I post something so ridiculous when something so serious had just happened? But this is the kind of friend that heartily embraces such things as made up statistics and he wouldn't want to be the cause of me not posting such a thing. So here they are.

And now without further adieu I bring you the long awaited return of my bogus Valentine's Day Statistics.

73% of guys who wish they weren't alone on Valentine's Day haven't asked out a girl in at least 6 months


94% of those guys have relegated a girl to platonic friendship land who would probably say yes

65% of girls who turn to internet sites for potential suitors only do so because the guys they know won't man up

82% of girls have a list of guy friends/acquaintances whom they would marry today were the guy to ask


31% of girls who say they don't care about Valentine's Day aren't bitter, they really just don't care

97% of those girls still feel a pang of sadness when they're sitting home alone that night

99% of those girls would rather have their guy plan something romantic and whimsical on a random Tuesday in October than on a day he's "supposed" to be romantic (Note: when planning events on a random Tuesday, make sure you give her enough warning so she can plan on recording Gilmore Girls. Or better yet, show how well you know her & how much you care by setting that up for her.)

56% of girls do not want to be proposed to on Valentine's Day

72% of guys who propose on Valentine's Day do so because they can't think of anything more creative

11% of guys who propose on Valentine's Day think it is the most romantic way they could ask a girl to marry them (those guys shall be appreciated for being adorable & simple)

the remaining 17% do so to make up for forgetting last year's Valentine's Day, these are the men who are with the percentage of females who believe the quality of their relationship is reflected in how they spend Valentine's Day, regardless of how he treats her the other 364* days of the year

89% of the best dates are extremely cost effective.
- picnic in the park or indoors on a cold or rainy day (bonus cute points for the indoor picnic)
- talking a walk around the neighborhood in the winter to look at/critique Christmas lights (chivalry points available for taking actions to keep her warm: getting coffee, putting your arm around her, offering an extra jacket, you get the idea)
- going to a museum on a free day, may sound boring but there is always something to be made fun of at a museum or you can play the guess the medium game- oil, watercolor, acrylic, etc. (intelligent & cute points here)
- walk around a fun part of town and take pictures of fun things you see & of each other being silly (fun points on this one)

96% of guys when complaining about not being able to find a great girl, are talking to a great girl

96% of girls when complaining about not being able to find a great guy, are talking to a great guy

100% of persons reading these statistics have been amused and shall enjoy a delightful Valentine's Day, or so I hope :)

*365 during leap years

Comments

Unknown said…
i am hoping both Azina and Nicole will be my Valentines!

these are great!!
aziner said…
Thank you! And yes I will be your Valentine Nicole & Shauna. :)
Galen said…
Count me amongst the 100% who enjoyed those. I'm a little worried though -- those didn't sound bogus at all, and if they're not bogus, we're going to see a sharp population decline in the coming generation.

Well, what better use for Valentines Day than to look upon the decline of our species.
Anonymous said…
I too am among the 100 percent who thoroughly enjoyed those stats. :)

Happy Valentine's Day!
raj said…
the stats seem a little more slanted than in previous years. anything in particular on your mind lately?
Galen said…
Raj has a point. What gives?
aziner said…
slanted how?
joser said…
personally, I think she needs a hug...or a man, or maybe a man to hug or to hug a man or ...whoaa...channeling the Animaniacs survey ladies...

Would you like to take a survey?
Do you like George Wendt?
Do you like beans?
Do you like George Wendt movies?
Do you like movies about beans?
Would you like to see George Wendt in a movie eating beans?...whoaa...

Okay, I'm better now. What was I saying again?