Nicole brought to my attention today an article on MSN called "A Guy's Guide to Proposing." What you will see now is the abbreviated and editorialized version of the article. (My comments in parentheses.) What fun!
For some, a public display of affection is the ultimate intimate gesture.
(Umm okay sure or uhh no, isn't public and intimate almost opposite of each other?)
Most movie theaters will let you buy a slide that plays onscreen before the feature. You can design your own and watch as the entire theater strains to see the lucky proposee's astonished expression.
(Yes which is great except if you're dating me, I'll be looking around too to see what rube decided that buying AD SPACE in front of a movie was the best way to propose. Nevermind the fact that I'm almost always the only Azina in the room.)
Have your proposal painted on a billboard en route to her office. Park beneath it or await their arrival at work, armed with champagne ready for toasting.
(There are so many things wrong with this I hardly know where to begin. There are a lot of variables you have to count on to fall into place here:
1. she doesn't randomly change her route to work that day
2. she actually reads the billboard
3. she realizes it's for her
4. she doesn't get into a car accident after realizing she's just been proposed to by a billboard
Then you have the problem of having her drink right before work. Are you trying to get her fired? And no one wants to have to spend a whole day at work after something so exciting has happened. Seriously, if you want to propose in the morning, make sure you do it on a day neither of you have to work so you can spend the day together. Come on man.)
Take out a full-page ad in a newspaper you know your honey reads daily. Be nearby while they read, lest you miss the look on her face.
(Clearly the important part about deciding you want to spend the rest of your life with someone is the look on her face, not you know the serious lifelong commitment part. And for the love if you want to be in the room when you propose, which you should, why not actually ask her instead of putting it in the newspaper?)
Gather all your friends for a big softball game. Give the outfielders signs that spell your intended's name and, "Will you marry me?" When she comes up to bat, signal them to display the signs. Tell your soon-be-fiance that if she hits one out of the park, a different kind of diamond awaits her!
(So you aren't going to give her the ring if she sucks at softball? I mean, clearly that's what you should base such an important decision on, I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. And by the way, I don't know any woman who wants to be all sweaty & gross when her guy proposes.)
Make a list of ten reasons you'd like to marry your beloved. Read them to her in front of a crowd, have a singing telegram deliver them, or send them written on note cards one by one over the course of a day (or ten!), with the last card arriving via personal messenger (you!).
(This one only works if you can manage to work a trained monkey into the scenario, other than you. Seriously, though there is a touch of cuteness in this one but you gotta scratch the reading in front of a crowd idea from your head. And the singing telegram is embarrassing. Having the notes delivered one by one during the course of the day could work, but when you arrive with the last one it should be at the end of the day so you can pick her up and whisk her off to some romantic evening you have planned. Of course you should make sure she knows ahead of time in case she wants to have the chance to change. Girls like to prepare for things, even those who like surprises want to feel like they are dressed appropriately, keep this in mind.)
Create a Web page declaring your love and intentions. Leave your sweetie a clue with the Web address written on it -- don't say a word. After the proposal has been officially accepted (which of course it will be!), she can proudly send the page to friends and family.
(Or better yet just email her. What?? Could you possibly do anything more nerdy and completely unromantic?)
Okay there are so many more, but I will leave it at that for now as this has become quite long. Don't worry there are plenty more snarky comments to be made. I will turn this into a series of posts.
For some, a public display of affection is the ultimate intimate gesture.
(Umm okay sure or uhh no, isn't public and intimate almost opposite of each other?)
Most movie theaters will let you buy a slide that plays onscreen before the feature. You can design your own and watch as the entire theater strains to see the lucky proposee's astonished expression.
(Yes which is great except if you're dating me, I'll be looking around too to see what rube decided that buying AD SPACE in front of a movie was the best way to propose. Nevermind the fact that I'm almost always the only Azina in the room.)
Have your proposal painted on a billboard en route to her office. Park beneath it or await their arrival at work, armed with champagne ready for toasting.
(There are so many things wrong with this I hardly know where to begin. There are a lot of variables you have to count on to fall into place here:
1. she doesn't randomly change her route to work that day
2. she actually reads the billboard
3. she realizes it's for her
4. she doesn't get into a car accident after realizing she's just been proposed to by a billboard
Then you have the problem of having her drink right before work. Are you trying to get her fired? And no one wants to have to spend a whole day at work after something so exciting has happened. Seriously, if you want to propose in the morning, make sure you do it on a day neither of you have to work so you can spend the day together. Come on man.)
Take out a full-page ad in a newspaper you know your honey reads daily. Be nearby while they read, lest you miss the look on her face.
(Clearly the important part about deciding you want to spend the rest of your life with someone is the look on her face, not you know the serious lifelong commitment part. And for the love if you want to be in the room when you propose, which you should, why not actually ask her instead of putting it in the newspaper?)
Gather all your friends for a big softball game. Give the outfielders signs that spell your intended's name and, "Will you marry me?" When she comes up to bat, signal them to display the signs. Tell your soon-be-fiance that if she hits one out of the park, a different kind of diamond awaits her!
(So you aren't going to give her the ring if she sucks at softball? I mean, clearly that's what you should base such an important decision on, I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page. And by the way, I don't know any woman who wants to be all sweaty & gross when her guy proposes.)
Make a list of ten reasons you'd like to marry your beloved. Read them to her in front of a crowd, have a singing telegram deliver them, or send them written on note cards one by one over the course of a day (or ten!), with the last card arriving via personal messenger (you!).
(This one only works if you can manage to work a trained monkey into the scenario, other than you. Seriously, though there is a touch of cuteness in this one but you gotta scratch the reading in front of a crowd idea from your head. And the singing telegram is embarrassing. Having the notes delivered one by one during the course of the day could work, but when you arrive with the last one it should be at the end of the day so you can pick her up and whisk her off to some romantic evening you have planned. Of course you should make sure she knows ahead of time in case she wants to have the chance to change. Girls like to prepare for things, even those who like surprises want to feel like they are dressed appropriately, keep this in mind.)
Create a Web page declaring your love and intentions. Leave your sweetie a clue with the Web address written on it -- don't say a word. After the proposal has been officially accepted (which of course it will be!), she can proudly send the page to friends and family.
(Or better yet just email her. What?? Could you possibly do anything more nerdy and completely unromantic?)
Okay there are so many more, but I will leave it at that for now as this has become quite long. Don't worry there are plenty more snarky comments to be made. I will turn this into a series of posts.
Comments
Sometimes the end result isn't what we expected...sometimes we screw up what we want to say.....Please judge the intentions, not the actual act.
Thanks Steve! How I wish I could get paid when I write something to counter these ridiculous articles . . .
Thanks for the entertainment, Azina. Back to paper grading!!
However, on a related note, the next goofball at an Astros game that has to put down his beer so that he can get down on a knee because he bought a slide on the jumbotron during the 7th inning stretch is going to get a good swift kick in the head from me.
I keep waiting for the girl to throw her drink in the guy's face and storm off, but it hasn't happened yet. Perchance to dream...
Oh Joe, the funny thing is that it will not actually be that hard for him. I'm not some crazy girl who thinks it wise to have all sorts of notions of the perfect proposal in her head without ever considering telling the guy. And in fact my idea of a good proposal is very simple. By the time we're to the point of considering marriage he will know 2 important things:
1. I only like white gold
2. quite possibly the cutest way he could propose is taking me to the zoo and having a picnic (or a picnic anywhere really) and/or he could propose on May Day
Simple. The point of all this is, the guy shouldn't be thinking of some cracked out way to propose that he found in some guide on the internet. He should know her well enough to know what she would find completely adorable. For me it doesn't have to be perfect or elaborate or some huge surprise, but it should show that he actually knows me.
I think most caring intelligent guys will love their girl enough to think of a great way to propose. Romance is definatly a subject matter that guys need to study up on. Talking with a lot of girls, I've come to realize 2 things :
1. Women can't fully describe what's romantic...they have to "be in the element" to know if it's romantic or not.
2. Women usually use movie references to try to define romance.
3. What guys think of romance is totally different than what most women think.
Before you throw sharp things at me, I understand that this is being stereotypical, but this IS what I've experienced in my observations.
If us girls weren't giddy over "the big gesture", why do ALL chick flicks have some big public gesture in them?
Think about that diamond commercial where the husband proposes (again) in front of his wife's parents on some steps in France.
To ridicule guys for not being creative enough to think of their own way to propose or women for thinking a public prosposal is grand is just bitter! Especially since we're programmed to expect it from children's stories to chick flicks. Face it, some ppls idea of a romantic proposal will be in a biker bar in Sturgis, SD. And that's OK!
I know an 'enlightened' guy that ridiculed ppl that got baptized in a public pool as "tacky" when there was a "perfectly good river that was more private, romantic, and appropriate" nearby. Seems to me that proposing to someone in a public way has a certain testimony to it as well.
I would like to emphasize to any guys reading that there are girls out there that will want a public proposal as a 'big gesture'. And while, in this world of equality, :sarcasm: as a sensitive guy you have an equal interest in enjoying the proposal and it fitting in your comfort zone...YOU DON'T!!
If a woman is worthy of being pursued and asking her hand in marriage, you better ask in a way she wants (or secretly desires.) You can't both be the girl!
I thought to myself all the reasons that this was a bad idea. Most of them similar to your thoughts . . . like her name wasn't even on the banner so she might not know it's for her. I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt though... at least he was trying to be creative. And who knows, for some woman this might be exactly the way she wanted to be proposed to. Of course, if he got his idea from some internet article I guess I can't give him credit for being creative. I'll still give him the benefit of the doubt though: at least he was trying.