These past 2 months have been some of the most difficult I've faced in my life--I think evidenced by the volume of blogging I've done. Looking back over the past few years it seems I've done the most writing here when I've been struggling the most. And I hope to keep up the writing, though not out of the same motivation. God's been really pressing on my heart the past couple days to change my perspective & focus on that with which he's blessed me rather than on that for which he's calling me to patience. The specifics of my hopes, my dreams, my desires haven't changed. But I am confident in the restoration God will bring about, even if it doesn't shape up exactly how I think it will.
So today I bring you a list of good things, flowing out of a heart that is learning to be thankful & joyous even while grieving. I'm starting to think that time heals nothing & that only remembering how to be joyful does. Maybe joy is the only thing that can counteract and eventually overcome grief & people mistake the time it takes to remember joy as the thing that causes the healing. Regardless, here are a few good things in my life.
- I am a child of God & he holds me together and is imprinted on me even on the cellular level. Laminin! If you have no idea what I'm talking about, check this out. Quite possibly the best video you'll ever watch on YouTube.
- I have a job.
- I have a cute little green car that runs well & has a/c!
- I have a dear friend who has adopted me as the little sister she never had and she has been an amazing source of strength and wisdom for me, particularly over the past couple months. She doesn't hold back straight up truth, but she manages to offer it in a gentle and loving way. And she never makes me feel ignored or stupid for my struggles or my hopes.
- I'm taking an amazing class at my church led by one of my good friends & it has been really helpful in understanding how/why I view things as I do and ways I can work on relating in healthier manners.
- I have the best roommate on the planet.
- I had a great ice cream date last week with a dear friend whom I rarely get to see & she had some helpful insight.
- I have a woman in my office who is very encouraging & to whom I've been able to cry & come for support.
- My boss has prayed over me.
- I'm going to Rancho to spend the weekend with my friend Beth soon.
- I'm enjoying me time again.
- Red Sox fans don't use stupid cowbells to cheer on the team.
- Friends who offer sincere condolences at my team's loss
- White tea at Starbucks
- Gilmore Girls
- My new cute, white knit hat that is very appropriate for fall & winter.
- Coffee with my friend Kathy who offered me hope & encouragement & had uplifting things to say about the past year & a half and about the future.
- My ministry at my church's cafe has been a huge source of blessing for me--they ordered embroidered chef's coats for the head chefs and sent me a $50 giftcard to Sur La Table for serving the past 3 years.
- I'm inspired to bake again. I have a fun idea for a potential bakeshop. I don't know that I'll ever decide to open it, I don't really like the idea of putting down such permanent roots especially in LA and as I want to be free to go anywhere God directs me & my future husband. But it's nice to have new cookie ideas "rising" up in my mind. ;)
- I'm working through some things with my family. It's a slow and arduous process and I regret that it's not one that was started many years ago & that someone I care about very deeply who should not have been caught up in it was & was hurt by it. I'm very sorry for the hurt that was caused to everyone, but at least we're working on it now. And I know that whatever comes of it will create a space of better understanding and will pave a way for a better future and second chances and God-willing the new beginning for which I most dearly hope . . .
- I'm getting a haircut tomorrow! I haven't had one in 10 months, waaay too long so I am very excited. I'm gonna go much shorter--I'll try to post photos. :)
I hope that no matter what all of you are facing right now, you're able to remember the good things big & small that God is blessing you with everyday.
So today I bring you a list of good things, flowing out of a heart that is learning to be thankful & joyous even while grieving. I'm starting to think that time heals nothing & that only remembering how to be joyful does. Maybe joy is the only thing that can counteract and eventually overcome grief & people mistake the time it takes to remember joy as the thing that causes the healing. Regardless, here are a few good things in my life.
- I am a child of God & he holds me together and is imprinted on me even on the cellular level. Laminin! If you have no idea what I'm talking about, check this out. Quite possibly the best video you'll ever watch on YouTube.
- I have a job.
- I have a cute little green car that runs well & has a/c!
- I have a dear friend who has adopted me as the little sister she never had and she has been an amazing source of strength and wisdom for me, particularly over the past couple months. She doesn't hold back straight up truth, but she manages to offer it in a gentle and loving way. And she never makes me feel ignored or stupid for my struggles or my hopes.
- I'm taking an amazing class at my church led by one of my good friends & it has been really helpful in understanding how/why I view things as I do and ways I can work on relating in healthier manners.
- I have the best roommate on the planet.
- I had a great ice cream date last week with a dear friend whom I rarely get to see & she had some helpful insight.
- I have a woman in my office who is very encouraging & to whom I've been able to cry & come for support.
- My boss has prayed over me.
- I'm going to Rancho to spend the weekend with my friend Beth soon.
- I'm enjoying me time again.
- Red Sox fans don't use stupid cowbells to cheer on the team.
- Friends who offer sincere condolences at my team's loss
- White tea at Starbucks
- Gilmore Girls
- My new cute, white knit hat that is very appropriate for fall & winter.
- Coffee with my friend Kathy who offered me hope & encouragement & had uplifting things to say about the past year & a half and about the future.
- My ministry at my church's cafe has been a huge source of blessing for me--they ordered embroidered chef's coats for the head chefs and sent me a $50 giftcard to Sur La Table for serving the past 3 years.
- I'm inspired to bake again. I have a fun idea for a potential bakeshop. I don't know that I'll ever decide to open it, I don't really like the idea of putting down such permanent roots especially in LA and as I want to be free to go anywhere God directs me & my future husband. But it's nice to have new cookie ideas "rising" up in my mind. ;)
- I'm working through some things with my family. It's a slow and arduous process and I regret that it's not one that was started many years ago & that someone I care about very deeply who should not have been caught up in it was & was hurt by it. I'm very sorry for the hurt that was caused to everyone, but at least we're working on it now. And I know that whatever comes of it will create a space of better understanding and will pave a way for a better future and second chances and God-willing the new beginning for which I most dearly hope . . .
- I'm getting a haircut tomorrow! I haven't had one in 10 months, waaay too long so I am very excited. I'm gonna go much shorter--I'll try to post photos. :)
I hope that no matter what all of you are facing right now, you're able to remember the good things big & small that God is blessing you with everyday.
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