Based on actual events, though probably skewed at least somewhat by the perspective of my 5 or 6-year-old self and the passage of 20 years . . .
The only boy I ever remember telling my dad I had a crush on was a kid in my class named Tommy when I was in kindergarten or 1st grade. He had blonde hair and a red backpack. I don't remember any reasons for liking him, but I'd like to think I had more to go on than blonde hair, red backpack. Not that elementary crushes are ever going to lead anywhere, but still there should be more basis than that. I mean, at least a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles backpack should be involved. ;) When I told my dad about Tommy he just scrunched up his nose & said, "That's not a very good name." (I'm sure he didn't say that exactly, but I remember him making a comment about the name & this is just how it plays out in my memory.)
Nothing ever happened with Tommy. Nothing happened with any boys for very many years after that, for which I am now very thankful. I do wonder though, what small things, nearly intangible memories such as this, go on to shape us as adolescents and adults? Did I hold back things because I didn't want unimportant or unchosen things to be judged about a person I like and therefore feel judged myself for my choice? I don't know. I'm not trying to lay blame on anyone or say I had a screwed up childhood or anything, that's not the case. I'm just wondering how much power little, 20-year-old, barely-remembered events have to shape our present, if any.
The only boy I ever remember telling my dad I had a crush on was a kid in my class named Tommy when I was in kindergarten or 1st grade. He had blonde hair and a red backpack. I don't remember any reasons for liking him, but I'd like to think I had more to go on than blonde hair, red backpack. Not that elementary crushes are ever going to lead anywhere, but still there should be more basis than that. I mean, at least a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles backpack should be involved. ;) When I told my dad about Tommy he just scrunched up his nose & said, "That's not a very good name." (I'm sure he didn't say that exactly, but I remember him making a comment about the name & this is just how it plays out in my memory.)
Nothing ever happened with Tommy. Nothing happened with any boys for very many years after that, for which I am now very thankful. I do wonder though, what small things, nearly intangible memories such as this, go on to shape us as adolescents and adults? Did I hold back things because I didn't want unimportant or unchosen things to be judged about a person I like and therefore feel judged myself for my choice? I don't know. I'm not trying to lay blame on anyone or say I had a screwed up childhood or anything, that's not the case. I'm just wondering how much power little, 20-year-old, barely-remembered events have to shape our present, if any.
Comments