Skip to main content

teaching us to breathe

what was frozen through
is newly purposed
turning all things green
so it is with You
and how You make me new
with every season's change
and so it will be
as You are recreating me

I have had what can only be described as an intense day--in mostly good ways, but definitely a lot to take in. I started the morning by popping in one of my favorite cds--Nichole Nordeman's "This Mystery." The album just uplifts me & I love singing along to it. The title of this post and the italicized bits that follow are from her song "Every Season" and it describes rather accurately how I've been feeling lately--more on that in a second. As I was driving to church tonight the last song on this cd came on. I've heard it a million times and while it's a touching song about the crucifixion for the first time tonight it moved me to tears from the center of my soul. It was somewhat stunning, but they weren't tears of sorrow or frustration, they were tears of joy of feeling deeply connected to my Savior. It was intensely amazing. On my way home from church I listened to "Every Season" on repeat and just sang at the top of my lungs. A few more joyous tears flowed from that song & from feeling the promise that God does not leave things broken.

I've been feeling lately the profundity of Christmas & of Mary's situation--though the time of year was likely different, I think about the days leading up to Christ's birth, the frustration, exhaustion, possible anxiety, and even maybe excitement felt by Mary & Joseph on the journey toward Bethlehem. I wonder at Mary's state of mind knowing that the child was to be born at what I'm sure seemed like any minute. Having not yet experienced that, I can only imagine what it's like, but somehow it's the only way I can think to describe how life feels to me right now. Time feels pregnant, like at any moment something life changing is about to happen. It's rather exciting, slightly scary, somewhat tiring, and definitely intense. But overall it's good & I feel good. I'm not sure I can accurately describe it, but even in the midst of this uncertain time for me that literally caused lamaze-esque breathing between tears as I drove home tonight, I have this peace & this joy. Whatever God is planning and has been building toward, I feel He's going to move soon and I'm held in rapt attention waiting to see what's going to happen as I do my best to walk alongside Him. Exciting. Intense.

So much more happened today: the last session of the class I've been taking at church, an hour of my workday spent talking with & consoling a coworker who is at a breaking point, witnessing one of the most amazing acts of kindness I've ever seen, and I saw the sign I mentioned last week 2 more times. It's all just a little too much to unpack in my mind right now--plus it would make for an even more ridiculously long post than this is already shaping up to be. :)

I can't say what tomorrow holds; I can say that God is making himself very evident in my life right now and it's a lot to process, but in an intensely good way. I'm not sure what's coming, but I look forward to sharing it with you because whatever it is will be for God's glory and that's just not something I can keep quiet. :)

Comments