I've been in bed between 9:30 and 10:30 every night this week and it's been quite nice. Perhaps I'm too stocked up on sleep at this point because my brain & body are simply refusing to settle down for the evening. :P A million things have been going on this week. I've taken risks, been shaken from my comfort zone, been stretched to limits of compassion that are well beyond my own capacity, and been excited to expand my ideas about God & theology. I think at this point it's all sort of catching up to me and my brain is working overtime to process it all. Maybe blogging will help sort some of these things out...
First, I could use prayer. God is stretching me in a way that is exciting & great & TIRING right now. Hope & joy & patience & faith & confidence in Him are amazing and renewing but at times exhausting. I don't have it within my own capacity to remember to be hopeful, joyful, patient, faithful, or confident enough and so I have to fall on my knees again & again throughout the day. It is entirely worth it & I think as it becomes increasingly ingrained in my being the balance between renewal and exhaustion will continue to tip more toward renewal.
Last week someone about whom I've grown to care very deeply made a decision that devastates my heart. I haven't even allowed myself time to process it as I know the pain in doing so is more than I am ready to face right now. That's actually been a good thing as this week she broke down to me, needing to share the weight of what she had done. All I could do was hug her and tell her that God loves us, the soul of us; He is not pleased with our mistakes but He does not withhold His love because of them. I told her that she is not defined by her decision but rather who she is in her heart.
It's a difficult thing and by God's grace I have not taken on this failure as my own--something He started teaching me toward the beginning of this situation and has carried through for me. I know many tearful moments are to come, she now has to live with this decision for the rest of her days. I imagine I will be sharing some of them with her; I hope a counselor will be also. Whatever the case, I know that God is not done working in this. As long as it looks like failure, it just means that He's not done yet. I have a lot of hope for her in that. Please keep her in your prayers as well.
First, I could use prayer. God is stretching me in a way that is exciting & great & TIRING right now. Hope & joy & patience & faith & confidence in Him are amazing and renewing but at times exhausting. I don't have it within my own capacity to remember to be hopeful, joyful, patient, faithful, or confident enough and so I have to fall on my knees again & again throughout the day. It is entirely worth it & I think as it becomes increasingly ingrained in my being the balance between renewal and exhaustion will continue to tip more toward renewal.
Last week someone about whom I've grown to care very deeply made a decision that devastates my heart. I haven't even allowed myself time to process it as I know the pain in doing so is more than I am ready to face right now. That's actually been a good thing as this week she broke down to me, needing to share the weight of what she had done. All I could do was hug her and tell her that God loves us, the soul of us; He is not pleased with our mistakes but He does not withhold His love because of them. I told her that she is not defined by her decision but rather who she is in her heart.
It's a difficult thing and by God's grace I have not taken on this failure as my own--something He started teaching me toward the beginning of this situation and has carried through for me. I know many tearful moments are to come, she now has to live with this decision for the rest of her days. I imagine I will be sharing some of them with her; I hope a counselor will be also. Whatever the case, I know that God is not done working in this. As long as it looks like failure, it just means that He's not done yet. I have a lot of hope for her in that. Please keep her in your prayers as well.
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