I decided last week that 2011 was my arch-nemesis. This is not a title I offer lightly, but rather one that 2011 was insistent upon claiming.
At the end of January a job I loved ended; I was fortunate enough to find another job quickly, and during the first week at that job my lovely little kiwi green Ford Focus met an untimely end when it was crashed into and totaled while parked at the office . . . 9 days before my birthday. The ensuing nightmare with the negligent driver's insurance company is still ongoing. 2011 has not been shy with it's havoc-wreaking, but that is the most glaring example of its cruelty.
Intellectually, I have had the capacity to recognize that the upheavals I've been facing can be redeemed for God's purposes. My car getting totaled became an opportunity to get out of my car loan, and make wiser financial choices. In my head I could see that God was at work, but it wasn't until this morning that I realized my heart hasn't seen it. My heart has been sad and frustrated and angry. Surely God could find gentler ways to direct my path this year.
This morning at church I realized it doesn't matter. Whether it's explosive or gentle, what really matters is that God cares about my path at all. I haven't had confidence in that. I haven't had confidence that I am Christ's beloved. My heart had forgotten it.
All the intellectual awareness in the world doesn't do one bit of good if my heart can't remember who I am in Christ and who I am to Him. If I forget that Christ was forsaken so that I will NEVER be, then it becomes impossible to revel in the things God is building for me in 2011, regardless of how He chooses to build them.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's okay and even healthy & necessary to be sad when things in our lives get turned upside-down, so long as we don't remain there. Outside of our sadness, it becomes possible to recognize that upside-down to us may be right-side up to God. And He cares enough to turn our worlds upside down for our benefit.
As we quickly approach the mid-way point of 2011, it is my prayer that the remainder of the year will be filled more with reaping the benefits of the work God has been doing than with additional topsy-turviness. But I also pray that my heart would see God at work & revel in it, no matter the form it takes.
At the end of January a job I loved ended; I was fortunate enough to find another job quickly, and during the first week at that job my lovely little kiwi green Ford Focus met an untimely end when it was crashed into and totaled while parked at the office . . . 9 days before my birthday. The ensuing nightmare with the negligent driver's insurance company is still ongoing. 2011 has not been shy with it's havoc-wreaking, but that is the most glaring example of its cruelty.
Intellectually, I have had the capacity to recognize that the upheavals I've been facing can be redeemed for God's purposes. My car getting totaled became an opportunity to get out of my car loan, and make wiser financial choices. In my head I could see that God was at work, but it wasn't until this morning that I realized my heart hasn't seen it. My heart has been sad and frustrated and angry. Surely God could find gentler ways to direct my path this year.
This morning at church I realized it doesn't matter. Whether it's explosive or gentle, what really matters is that God cares about my path at all. I haven't had confidence in that. I haven't had confidence that I am Christ's beloved. My heart had forgotten it.
All the intellectual awareness in the world doesn't do one bit of good if my heart can't remember who I am in Christ and who I am to Him. If I forget that Christ was forsaken so that I will NEVER be, then it becomes impossible to revel in the things God is building for me in 2011, regardless of how He chooses to build them.
Don't get me wrong, I think it's okay and even healthy & necessary to be sad when things in our lives get turned upside-down, so long as we don't remain there. Outside of our sadness, it becomes possible to recognize that upside-down to us may be right-side up to God. And He cares enough to turn our worlds upside down for our benefit.
As we quickly approach the mid-way point of 2011, it is my prayer that the remainder of the year will be filled more with reaping the benefits of the work God has been doing than with additional topsy-turviness. But I also pray that my heart would see God at work & revel in it, no matter the form it takes.
Comments
You really should blog more!
Jenny, thank you so much! What a wonderful verse; I can't recall hearing it before, but I'm definitely storing it away in my head & heart. I will try to blog more! Thank you for your interest.