"I kept finding myself in tears, hoping for a life that was wholly different from the one I was living. I couldn't figure out if I was just tired and needed a vacation, or if I was scared and needed to quit. Everyone has dreams that they think about on bad days at work. But they're dreams, right? You don't actually do them, right?"
-- Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating The Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life
I've been at my current job for just under a year and a half. In that time I have cried at my desk more times than I can count, due to stress, frustration, anger. It's been a tough job for me, perhaps exacerbated by the fact that it came on the heels of a job I loved.
Several times I have considered just throwing in the towel and quitting on the spot. I'm far too . . . pragmatic? Deliberate? Chicken? Something along those lines, to do something so impetuous. So when the need arose to quit my job to move to Austin, I wasn't terribly sad about it.
Fast forward 2 months and plans with Austin have become uncertain. This is what I alluded to last week about how things were "supposed to" change. So instead of looking toward getting a new job in Austin, I will be working on building my business as an Independent Scentsy and Velata Consultant. There will also be a new Scentsy Family brand soon. I have no idea what it will be, but I'm excited to find out! I will keep you posted.
I have to admit it's a bit scary to be jumping into the unknown, leaving the relative safety of an office job, no matter how frustrating, and in a sense striking out on my own. I found out today that instead of leaving my job on the day I planned, I may be leaving 2 1/2 weeks sooner than that. Killer for the funemployment budget, but after some tears at my desk and a couple of "I may have a melt down" sort of texts to my sister & best friend, I'm ready (I think) to accept either outcome. I just need to know which it'll be!
In my prayer journal on Sunday, with these upcoming changes in mind, I wrote, "Help me to trust you more each day & to lean on you for my provision." Recently-ish I told my sister how I've learned to consider the possible ways God may answer prayer that I don't intend, i.e. my prayer about trust & provision now possibly leading to 2 1/2 fewer weeks at my job and 2 1/2 weeks of wages erased from my budget. Hilarious, God! But I know that if this does happen, it just means more trusting & more leaning I'll have to do. He knows that too, and if this is what He asks of me it will work out for good.
I'm excited for the changes that will be happening in my life. Taking this risk carries with it the great potential to pursue more dreams as I escape (hopefully permanently) the stress and rigidity of the 9-5 world. I am eagerly anticipating the possibilities.
(If this is the first you are hearing about the move to Austin, I'm sorry. I haven't really told that many people.)
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