Seems as though I've been a victim (as many of you have also) of the summer blogging lull. This week's been kinda rough. Not for any one specific reason but enough small-ish things have conspired together to weigh heavily on my heart. I've been feeling really alone lately & that's beyond difficult.
Raj was out here over the weekend which was fantastic. But he didn't get into the internship/grad program for which he came out to interview. He says he's cool with it. I'm really sad about it. Maybe it's our shared middle child syndrome, maybe it's that we're the closest in age out of the 4 of us, I don't know, but I feel like I have this special connection with him. And even though we have our little tiffs sometimes and we manage to frustrate each other with the stupidest little things, I was really looking forward to having him out here. I know I can be my worst self around him and in a weird way that actually encourages me to be my best self. I need that sometimes. And I was really looking forward to the idea that maybe I'd have someone to travel with at Christmas and that maybe he'd even stay here with me for Thanksgiving. Sometimes I get way ahead of myself . . .
I also found out this week that my next niece or nephew is in fact a nephew to be born in early December. I think it would have been funny if it was another girl, but a boy will be quite fun too. I hope that by the time I have kids Amber's kids aren't too old to want to be friends with them.
I also had to make a decision this week that was pretty difficult. I know I let some of my friends down and they don't really understand why I made that decision. To be quite honest I don't completely understand it. All I know is that I had to trust my instincts. I think I made the right decision, but that doesn't mean I like it that much. Sometimes I just want to be free of responsibility and thinking everything through, but that's just not me & I know a lot of people don't get it & that makes it really hard for me. I just have to hope someday it will all end up for the best.
I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone; I've noticed it bad
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough
Raj was out here over the weekend which was fantastic. But he didn't get into the internship/grad program for which he came out to interview. He says he's cool with it. I'm really sad about it. Maybe it's our shared middle child syndrome, maybe it's that we're the closest in age out of the 4 of us, I don't know, but I feel like I have this special connection with him. And even though we have our little tiffs sometimes and we manage to frustrate each other with the stupidest little things, I was really looking forward to having him out here. I know I can be my worst self around him and in a weird way that actually encourages me to be my best self. I need that sometimes. And I was really looking forward to the idea that maybe I'd have someone to travel with at Christmas and that maybe he'd even stay here with me for Thanksgiving. Sometimes I get way ahead of myself . . .
I also found out this week that my next niece or nephew is in fact a nephew to be born in early December. I think it would have been funny if it was another girl, but a boy will be quite fun too. I hope that by the time I have kids Amber's kids aren't too old to want to be friends with them.
I also had to make a decision this week that was pretty difficult. I know I let some of my friends down and they don't really understand why I made that decision. To be quite honest I don't completely understand it. All I know is that I had to trust my instincts. I think I made the right decision, but that doesn't mean I like it that much. Sometimes I just want to be free of responsibility and thinking everything through, but that's just not me & I know a lot of people don't get it & that makes it really hard for me. I just have to hope someday it will all end up for the best.
I'm sorry I have to say it but you look like you're sad
Your smile is gone; I've noticed it bad
The cure is if you let in just a little more love
I promise you this, a little's enough
Comments
And just because the internship didn't come through doesn't mean I'm not still looking at CA. I'm still talking to GGBTS, though I would go to the No.Cal. campus if I went there. It wouldn't be until at least January though. Of course I'm also looking at Birmingham (U.K.), Indiana, and a million other places.
I may suck at blogging, but I can comment like it's my job.
Jessica and I might hang out with you if you decide to come to Golden Gate Mill Valley. Although, Azina would probably be a better friend. Teachers suck at having social lives:)
All the best in your quest!