reverie

1. chapstick (of which I am very nearly out. gasp!) 2. poetry 3. playing Black Jack & betting with tacks 4. strawberry milk (known as pink bunny to the children because of the Nesquik bunny & of course the pink hue) 5. Merlin finally figured out his card trick! 6. friends 7. instant messenger 8. music 9. Taco Tuesday at Del Taco, how fun that is 10. hump day!

And aside from one blatantly rude incident, this Sunday was no exception. Nicole is back! Hazaa! Shauna is gone, which is quite a sad thing, but I had a wonderful time with her while she was here! I enjoyed church tonight. I found myself sitting there thinking, I wish I loved God on Friday as much as I do on Sunday. And now that I'm thinking about it more, I don't think that I love God less on Friday, but I spend so much more time with him on Sunday and I really love that. I want to spend more alone time with him during the week. I think that would be marvelous. Though, I also want to spend more time in corporate worship during the week. I'm not really sure how to bring that one about . . . Anyone have plans for the 4th? I want to do something fun this year.

I just read this, it is awesome. Happy Friday! "Do not seek to become famous for they will make a bronze statue of you and the birds will poop on your face." Are you not laughing now? :) So, I forgot to mention a week ago, but go here to see my guest appearance on Shauna's blog regarding the earthquakes last week.

I have a second interview on Monday at 11:30 at the place where I interviewed on Wednesday. Keep your fingers crossed and your hopes high and hey a little prayer couldn't hurt either! :)

There used to be a time when I was so alright with being alone. I spent countless evenings & weekends enjoying the company of only me and that was enough. And now that I've "grown" and changed and come out of my shell a bit, all things that I was led to believe would make my life better, now is when I'm miserable. That doesn't really seem like progress to me. Here I am sitting alone in my house for the third night in a row. And sure it's the middle of the week, and most people don't necessarily hang out during the week, except I've grown accustom to a life that differs from that of "most people." Wednesdays I used to have small group, but someone decided to not have it during the summer. And so I sit here & I don't like it. Were it not for my interview today and going to the grocery store I would not have seen anyone today. That is magnificently sad to me. And I fear tomorrow will bring the same. No, I know that it will . . . :...

My phone is broken, or maybe it's just my friends and all the people I've sent resumes to and the telemarketers and the people who dial my number looking for someone else. Seriously, the point is that other than Galen calling me yesterday my phone (house or cell) has not rung for 2 days. Thank goodness for Galen because it was really cool to talk to him, but more importantly because if he had not called then the paranoia would be setting in and I would wonder if somehow I've gotten trapped in an alternate dimension and though people are desperately trying to contact me they are unable to. It's such a relief that I don't have to be paranoid about that. ;) I am, by the way, not soliciting phone calls as that would be the height of patheticness. (patheticity? patheticdom? patheticism?) The bottom line is that this being alone crap sucks & I would greatly love for Nicole to return home now. I miss you! At least only two more days of being alone. I will see Shauna ag...

So I was going to write a real post tonight of respectable length, but I can't breathe right now because I have a cold and as unrelated as that is to my ability to type, it makes me not feel like blogging. I did wish to write and at least tell you that my heart doesn't hurt anymore and in fact hasn't for several days. It unhurts so much that it can hardly remember why it was sad in the first place. My brain remembers as it has a really good memory, but it promises not to remind my heart. My brain is nice to me like that. :) Okay, umm if any part of this post makes me sound crazy in any way just chalk it up to all the junk taking residence in my head that does not belong there, it's causing spaciness for the stuff that does belong. Anyway, I promise to blog more when I can actually breathe and think. A little FYI, today marks one year since I officially moved to LA. Kinda crazy.

my heart hurts right now, not sure I can take too much more of this endurance stuff. I started writing a poem here but it just got too personal and these lyrics from Skillet more eloquently express some of what I'm feeling right now anyway. The song is "Imperfection" off the Collide album. You're worth so much It'll never be enough To see what you have to give How beautiful you are Yet seem so far from everything You're wanting to be You're wanting to be Tears falling down again Tears falling down You fall on your knees You beg, you plead Can I be somebody else For all the times I hate myself? Your failures devour Your heart i n every hour You're drowning i n your imperfection You mean so much That heaven would touch The face of humankind for you How special you are Revel in your day You're fearfully and wonderfully made You're wonderfully made Tears falling down again Come let the healing begin You fall on your knees You beg, you plead Can I b...

What a strange thing, I suddenly realized that I could really go for a tootsie pop right now. I can't even tell you the last time I had one. Crazy. What a marvelous weekend this was. Shauna is in town, sorta. We picked her up from the airport last night and hung out today, but now she is in Azusa for the week. I finally got to see Merlin this morning at church, but then we were gonna try to hang out tonight & that never happened which is quite sad. I did get to talk to Galen tonight, though which was nice. I have a job interview Monday afternoon. I'm trying not to get my hopes up because every time I think, "This is it. Finally something is going to happen," it all seems to come crashing down. I'll let you know how it goes. If all else fails, I am back on schedule for jury duty this week. What joy! Ah well, at least it would be some income if I get put on a trial . . . Hmm, realizing that I feel kinda ill right now probably as a result of having t...

(or Omaha and Houston for those of you who actually knew where I was) So, I must offer my sincerest apology to Galen as I promised him that I would post something last night, and I obviously never did. I am sorry. I will try not to make promises that I am unable to fulfill. For those of you who do not yet know, the deadline has been set for the end of August. Though, as I said I have no intention of leaving LA, so as far as I'm concerned this is really just an arbitrary date that will hopefully have no meaning in my life. I was talking to Galen about it yesterday and telling him that I was not really worried about it yet. I told him it was as much a case of delusional optimism as anything. But then I get this email from my sister this morning and perhaps this section she sent me from "My Utmost For His Highest" describes it better: "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10 Tenacity is more than endurance, it is endurance combined with the absolute certainty...

So, before I leave here on Saturday I have to give my parents a date. This particular date is pretty much when they're cutting me off. It's kind of strange because in a way it totally sucks, but in another way I was actually kind of hoping for it. Not that I haven't been putting all my effort into finding a job because I have, but a part of me feels like if I have a fire under my bum it will help somehow. I hope so. I can't move back. It will kill me. So, please pray about this. I have the decision on what this date is and I need wisdom to choose what's fair and I need prayer that I will quickly find a job once I'm back in LA. Thanks for all the comments, I will respond to you all when I have more time, but for now my brother's computer is about to run out of battery and I don't feel like getting up to plug it in. And don't worry, I have no intention of leaving LA.