reverie

I'm pretty sure you used to be a happy Chinese man. :) (For those of you not in my family, we refer to this picture as the Chinese picture because for some reason Raj looks particularly Chinese here.)

I fell asleep on the couch the Chinese food sat out got cold and stale candles burned all night long still you never called you never showed the phone rang this morning it wasn't you I knew you wouldn't be there still I hoped last night it wasn't about me it was about you and for you I wanted you to have a good night even if just for a few minutes to have a break and commune with friends I wanted you to experience the happy Chinese delivery man everything is better when he comes to your door bringing delicious food and more importantly overflowing joy but you weren't here I couldn't ease the stress of your week offer you a brief respite from all the things that call your attention it was all I had hoped to do there's no way you could know that because you didn't make it maybe next time . . .

I wanted to write a poem but I can't think straight I was going to post and old one but blogger screwed up the formatting the formatting wasn't that important but I liked it so now you can't read it blame blogger I hate Beverly Hills I had to go there today everyone drove meanly it's the kind of place where all that is good and beautiful goes to die it's a sad place where people try to fill their happiness with $5000 shoes and $300 tshirts if only they knew the girl in the old blue Neon that hasn't had a car wash in a year (whom they look down upon because her entire outfit cost less than their ugly little dog's collar) has found something they could never buy and is greater than anything they'd ever find on Rodeo Drive I don't mean to be cheesy I hate cheese, in writing on Dharma and Greg once they played a game called cheese you had to go through and name cheeses the first person who couldn't come up with one would lose I always thought that w...

Several months ago I read this phrase, "ask specifically, receive specifically." It was in the pages of a friend's journal. He had given it to me in hopes of encouraging me by offering me a glimpse into what God had done in his life since he moved to LA. Let me tell you, God has done some amazing things for this friend and I was encouraged. So I thought perhaps there is something to this. As you know I am faced with a deadline for finding a job as my parents can no longer be my sole support. I understand this and don't wish to continue to burden them financially. Of course that places a great deal of pressure on me. I gave myself the deadline of July 15th (last Friday) for finding a film job. After that date I was to search for anything, restaurants, retail, whatever it took to stay in LA. I have been praying fervently for God to open the right door by July 15th. As you know I got a call for an interview last Wednesday for a position that I was to hear back from on Fr...

Quote of the night: "Ahh, that episode makes me sad. It's summer in California and I want snow and horse rides and a cute boyfriend. And I have none!" - Nicole Context: We just finished watching "The Bracebridge Dinner" episode of Gilmore Girls. It's a fun winter episode from season two that starts out with a snowman building contest, centers on this huge 19th century English-style dinner, including horse drawn carriage rides, and perhaps there's a cute boy ( Milo Ventimiglia ) in the mix. Great show, you should watch it. The episode that re-aired on the WB tonight was also fabulous. Somehow we had missed the original airing. It involved a secret society and they had this amazing party. Nicole and I both wanted to attend, so we decided that we need to start our own secret society. Though seeing how our cult is going we probably wouldn't be too successful so instead we decided to start a sorority. Not the drunken slutfest kind, but the kind where you ...

I just got a call for an interview on Wednesday at 12:30. It's for an assistant to an executive producer. Please pray that it goes well. My deadline for finding a job is fast approaching.

I can spend a thousand hours frustrated with God and then two friends randomly offer me something that means more to me than they could have known. And the beauty of it is that I know it's not random. I love you guys. ttfn ;) I wish I had what I needed To be on my own Cause I feel so defeated And I'm feeling alone And it all seems so helpless And I have no plans I'm a plane in the sunset With nowhere to land And all I see It could never make me happy And all my sand castles Spend their time collapsing Let me know that You hear me Let me know Your touch Let me know that You love me And let that be enough

she is dressed in white and as she approaches your breath catches such a beautiful creature and you wonder how it took so long to realize your eyes meet and then she passes you by her gaze locked with another you've known her for some time but have you ever really seen her? you might wake up in the morning seeking the girl from your dream but she is just an apparition the one you truly seek is by your side searching with you because she will always be your friend and by the time you realize when you finally see her it will be on her wedding day and you will look at her in awe stunned at how you could have missed it for so long but then it will be too late for her eyes are focused on another you will sit and in your silent pain you will wish her happiness

Ah, how delightful. What started out as a frustrating and alone day turned out to be so fun thanks to Nicole and Pez! Hazaa! We went to see Bewitched which resulted in so much laughing. It was cute and fun. And yes if you read Nicole's blog she used the same title as me and she used it first, but that's okay because it is hilarious. (It's from the movie.) So, no I didn't end up going out by myself this evening. I'm glad. Still though this loneliness problem is visiting far too frequently. Oddly enough I think I was lonely less often when I didn't have friends here. It's far less sad to be sitting at home when you don't know anyone. When you do and they don't call you that is an entire new level of sadness. Alas, the night ended up great and I got to hang out with my favorite person in LA (Nicole) and a boy named Pez whose name isn't really Pez, but Pez is such a fun nickname that I will continue to call him that. :) That's all for now.

I want to go to a singles' bar No. I want to go to a friendship bar Do those even exist? It's called church I can't depend on my church friends I used to have a friend I would call her when I was alone Now I don't even speak to her I hate how life changes I just pulled out a grey hair Is it from age or loneliness? I'm 23 I'm too young to be lonely Then why am I? Going out to do something by myself instead of sitting at home crying and/or losing my mind. I don't write this for your pity or to make you feel bad. I write this to purge myself of my bad feelings.

I wrote this, or at least the first incarnation of it, back in March. Those things it was originally written about are long since a memory, but somehow it is applicable again in a completely new context so I am sharing it now. Everything is teetering waiting for the right moment to fall gently and miraculously into place like the first snow on a perfect October night I am afraid to hope afraid to be excited Can this time be different? I am balanced on the edge Held in rapt attention Not daring to move or even breathe for fear that the slightest whisper could knock everything off its course Funny joke from some strawberry Laffy Taffy: Boy: Do you believe in love at first sight? Girl: Not from where I'm standing. Regarding today's tragic events in London, the conspiracy theorist in me wants to point fingers at Miseur French Guy My Name Rhymes. It seems a bit too coincidental the day after Paris loses their Olympic bid to London. Not to make light of it of course, my prayers are w...

it would be simpler to catch a million butterflies and pin them down for you than to capture the thoughts floating around my head and string them together to make sense to you but they seem more beautiful flitting about in their freedom so for now I will not attempt to tie them down and my mind will continue to wander somehow magically lighting on you again I only pray that your thoughts may be roaming too missing me though I just saw you wondering & hoping for the same things that are swirling about my dreams . . .

Most of you know that I'm not a cat person. Aside from the fact that I'm mildly allergic, I just don't like their attitudes. My sister's cats being the two notable exceptions. The first time I met Petunia she would jump on the chair behind me and rub her head against mine. I really liked that. And Annabelle I like just to torment. ;) That being said, I don't think there's any better way to describe my mood right now than purr-worthy. I've had a wonderful day. I got to hang out with friends whom I love. And I met new people and didn't feel awkward talking to them. This morning I went to church with Merlin and then he took Kelsey and I to lunch where our friend Kasey was our waiter. What a delightful time it was. I laughed a lot today. :) And then when I got home I got to talk to my favorite friend whom I've never met & he made me laugh more. :) Seriously, if you don't find yourself laughing a lot through the day you should do something about t...

You may notice a change or two here. It's been over a year since I changed the template for my blog. I think I like this one better, it feels more me. So, last night was completely fantastic. Nicole & I just ended up having a little girls' night. Quick trip to Target, some Chinese take out from the happy Chinese place with the happy Chinese man, a little alcohol, some Gilmore Girls, and a lot of great conversation. It was one of those nights where you don't plan anything and everything just works out so well, better than it ever could have if you did plan it. We talked about life, love, and Jesus. It was all kinds of marvelous. Here's something that's sort of been a recurring theme this week and I want some more opinions on it. There seems to be this pattern with guys when they start dating someone they just completely drop out, at least as far as their friendships with other girls. Why is that? If we're "just friends" then what difference does it ...

“If you were meant to cure cancer or write a symphony or crack cold fusion and you don’t do it, you not only hurt yourself, even destroy yourself. You hurt your children, you hurt me, you hurt the planet. You shame the angels who watch over you and you spite God Almighty, who created you and only you with your unique gifts, for the sole purpose of nudging the human race one millimeter further along its path back to God.” Go here to read the article I found that in. Oh, and simply because this is the easiest way to disseminate information, for those of you who don't know I found out today that I didn't get the job. I'm disappointed, but hoping and praying for something better to open up very soon.