reverie

castles in the sky collide with reality rainbow words were spoken in their echoes rings a regression of hope fading expectations from ears unready to hear despair yearns to claim me and steal my faith for you it's damaged I admit but a resilient heart cannot be long held down half truths only serve to further desire for ardent intercession

seems so long since Christmas waved its goodbyes the sun here betrays any proper sense of season yet I still can't help but imagine if I could go to sleep and wake up to this city embraced in white anything can happen when the world looks new all the dreams that dance about my thoughts awaken uncertainty and ambiguity replaced by brilliant hope it may sound silly but I believe it can happen here who knows? maybe we'll see snow this weekend

soon it will be time to undecorate the twinkling will be stored away and somehow the wonder seems to get boxed up with it I'd like to say this year will be different maybe it will be I have a lot of hope for this new year determination that life has so much in store I cannot picture the upcoming days without imagining all kinds of growth and dreams finally fulfilled will it all happen? will any of it? I really can't say but I'm going to do my best not to lose sight I'll try to stretch out the wonder a bit longer if I'm careful and extra passionate I think it can last the whole year

red balloon dreams float hopefully through my mind tarry by day and sojourn in my sleep for now it hovers comfortably close I am content to remain here and see if it will decide to light upon me hope whispers for only the wind to hear asking for guidance in whichever direction is fit only time will tell if we may traverse this path together

it's raining in the distance I can see the sky pour itself out somewhere beyond the mountains like a watercolor bleeding all over the page drops streak from the clouds bathing the earth in life

I can feel the rain it will be here soon riding in on the coattails of a fall that took almost too long to arrive it matches my mood today a sort of grey and melancholy a thousand little things beyond my control have conspired to wreak havoc upon my life I assure you I will get through it and before too much time is allowed to pass all will be right again but tonight I will sit and wait for the rain to come and cleanse all that has marred this day Among a myriad of other things that happened today, the display on my cell phone went out, which is mostly just an annoyance. Except now I realized it's even more obtrusive as I use my cell phone as an alarm, but since I have no way of ensuring that I have actually set the correct time I will be forced to use an actual alarm clock whose grating sound I loathe. Bah. While today did mark the glorious advent of a new season of Gilmore Girls and it was Taco Tuesday, overall it was not the delightful day I had envisioned. And now I just want t...

tears flow from the sky as words drift off to deaf ears she only needs someone to hear so she thinks really needing someone to see to know her she doesn't want to hide or pretend with a thousand different masks each one to please someone else but she hates all these facades she's fractured an unfinished mosaic all the pieces may not fit the picture of her life left incomplete unattended but photos are still she longs for a beautiful journey not a preserved moment the tale is about to unfold she will embrace her individuality and so might they in time maybe even appreciate it it's all only beginning the pages of the next chapter turning it shall be scribbled with hopes in bloom she will do her best to be faithful and nurture what has been entrusted to her and if you're willing to take part you may just become integral to the story ready to be written

he never made me feel silly like my random thoughts could possibly be ridiculous I could philosophize and theorize and ponderize we could talk all night and whatever insanity escaped my lips he treated sweetly with this beautiful excitement and we laughed I can close my eyes and find myself back there sitting on the couch with our heads resting upon the cushions and conversing about whatever deep or trivial matter should manage to pop into our thoughts you grabbed my hand and we floated across the world I felt so safe like I couldn't fall or screw up with your hand protectively encompassing mine and at the right time you asked me to fly on my own still there to keep me from falling it was one of the best nights of my life but then suddenly again you were gone and I let you go I tried to move on I wanted to but here I am half a year later yearning for that moment again just 5 more minutes with you on that night

the thought of sleep snatches my breath my lungs burn yearning for air can't sleep yet too many thoughts unexamined everything must be sorted out in my mind the call to slumber grows louder can't give in yet . . .

I want to know that I will not spend All the nights of my life alone For that is the saddest thought to me I want to marry in the church Where I grew up I want the wedding to be a reflection of us And not some crazy fiasco I want to plan for a marriage And not just for a wedding (I think too many people miss this point) I want to be really good friends with his mother My idealism tells me it's possible I want to slow dance in the kitchen When we should be cleaning up I want to quiet giggling children Half an hour after their bedtime I want to sponsor youth group with him And offer the kids a refuge from the rest of life I want to grow old And love his wrinkled face I want to pray with him and sing with him and laugh with him I want to grow with him hold hands with him and cherish him I want to meet him --------------------------------------------- I dream of worlds Where you'd understand And I dream a Million sleepless nights I dream of fire when You're touching my hand But...

she is dressed in white and as she approaches your breath catches such a beautiful creature and you wonder how it took so long to realize your eyes meet and then she passes you by her gaze locked with another you've known her for some time but have you ever really seen her? you might wake up in the morning seeking the girl from your dream but she is just an apparition the one you truly seek is by your side searching with you because she will always be your friend and by the time you realize when you finally see her it will be on her wedding day and you will look at her in awe stunned at how you could have missed it for so long but then it will be too late for her eyes are focused on another you will sit and in your silent pain you will wish her happiness

I want to go to a singles' bar No. I want to go to a friendship bar Do those even exist? It's called church I can't depend on my church friends I used to have a friend I would call her when I was alone Now I don't even speak to her I hate how life changes I just pulled out a grey hair Is it from age or loneliness? I'm 23 I'm too young to be lonely Then why am I? Going out to do something by myself instead of sitting at home crying and/or losing my mind. I don't write this for your pity or to make you feel bad. I write this to purge myself of my bad feelings.

I wrote this, or at least the first incarnation of it, back in March. Those things it was originally written about are long since a memory, but somehow it is applicable again in a completely new context so I am sharing it now. Everything is teetering waiting for the right moment to fall gently and miraculously into place like the first snow on a perfect October night I am afraid to hope afraid to be excited Can this time be different? I am balanced on the edge Held in rapt attention Not daring to move or even breathe for fear that the slightest whisper could knock everything off its course Funny joke from some strawberry Laffy Taffy: Boy: Do you believe in love at first sight? Girl: Not from where I'm standing. Regarding today's tragic events in London, the conspiracy theorist in me wants to point fingers at Miseur French Guy My Name Rhymes. It seems a bit too coincidental the day after Paris loses their Olympic bid to London. Not to make light of it of course, my prayers are w...

it would be simpler to catch a million butterflies and pin them down for you than to capture the thoughts floating around my head and string them together to make sense to you but they seem more beautiful flitting about in their freedom so for now I will not attempt to tie them down and my mind will continue to wander somehow magically lighting on you again I only pray that your thoughts may be roaming too missing me though I just saw you wondering & hoping for the same things that are swirling about my dreams . . .

There used to be a time when I was so alright with being alone. I spent countless evenings & weekends enjoying the company of only me and that was enough. And now that I've "grown" and changed and come out of my shell a bit, all things that I was led to believe would make my life better, now is when I'm miserable. That doesn't really seem like progress to me. Here I am sitting alone in my house for the third night in a row. And sure it's the middle of the week, and most people don't necessarily hang out during the week, except I've grown accustom to a life that differs from that of "most people." Wednesdays I used to have small group, but someone decided to not have it during the summer. And so I sit here & I don't like it. Were it not for my interview today and going to the grocery store I would not have seen anyone today. That is magnificently sad to me. And I fear tomorrow will bring the same. No, I know that it will . . . :...

I hate that black soulless void is not an entirely inaccurate way to describe you I hate the remnants of your beauty that only serve to remind of how badly we have raped and pillaged you I hate your stagnant pathways masquerading as transportation venues I hate your love of money I hate your narcissism I hate the way you only take notice of my God is when you see dollar signs in peddling religious content I hate how in your self-importance you're willing to destroy the straining amount of hope that dares venture here I hate the way you try to steal my joy I hate the days when I hate you almost as much as I hate the days when I love you

somewhere over the rainbow he played on acoustic guitar laughter waves crashing on the shore eroding away grains of sadness replaced by chocolate covered memories and the promise of hope spring will arrive soon joy blissfully foolish optimism the haze is gone I can see beyond the immediate the pain is washing out to sea I can think of you again even in the distance and smile just because I know you So, I wrote that last night when I was in a really happy mood as I had a great time hanging out with my roomie and her friend. Today was less happy, but I still wanted to post this. The haze thing is literal, it was remarkably hazy here last week, but today I could see the mountains even. For those of you who don't know, you can live in Los Angeles for almost a year and not realize that you should be able to see mountains here. That sounds quite sad, I realize, and to some extent it is. But the marvelous thing is that you really truly appreciate their splendor on the days you can see the...

now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep I can't keep it anymore I've locked myself outside hope's door guide me through this long, dark night if I last 'til dawn I might find my long lost faith again help me to hold on 'til then may the sun soon rise and wash away these cloudy skies hold me close until I wake this pain seems more than I can take

I would paint for you a periwinkle sky We would lie beneath it in the sweet green grass And as the sun's warmth soaks into our skin I'd ask to hear the story of your childhood Dreams & aspirations Joys & sorrows I would listen to it all afternoon long Until the sky dissolves into pink and orange And you would wrap me in your arms To ward off the evening chill We would stay that way awhile in silence Soon the dark would settle in And the stars would claim the sky You would kiss the top of my head And suggest we go inside Hesitantly I agree I hear you sigh, not rushing to move Eventually I lift my head from your chest And shiver in the now obvious cold You lace your fingers with mine as we walk back to the house In the depth of your eyes I see such happiness tonight