reverie

I must say there is a (somewhat larger than I'd like to admit) part of me that wants to say haha Rays, you lost! And in truth I'm glad they did. I feel like those punks need to be taught a lesson. A part of me feels bad b/c I know that they had a dream within their grasp, they accomplished something huge in winning the AL East and the ALCS, but I really can't muster that much sympathy for them--a tiny amount but that's it. I'm glad the Phillies won, but only because they're not the Rays. Sadly now though it means baseball is completely over for the season. Still I find myself checking the Red Sox website everyday to see what exciting things might happen in the off season. I'm also checking the Yankees site because I'm dying to know where Manny will end up. I hope the Dodgers will keep him; I think his brand of oddness is best suited for LA. Plus it would be devastating for the Yanks to have his bat. Although, I think they're smart enough no...

One of the hardest things for me in moving to LA was finding a new church. I loved the church I left back in Omaha. Over the years that church has changed beyond recognition and God has grown up in me a love for a church out here. Many Sundays go by that I leave my church with a giddy feeling in my heart. A few weeks ago in the midst of extreme financial uncertainty in the country and before the bailout had passed our pastor thanked the church for giving over $30,000.00 toward missions--that's in addition to the regular offering. I am astounded and overjoyed that the state of the economy isn't dictating the state of many people's faiths. This past Sunday was another "I love my church" kind of day. The sermon was amazing. In some ways it spoke to what I had been praying about on my drive over, which speaks to what God is doing in and around me right now and in itself is exciting, but even aside from that the sermon was just really edifying. It was about bein...

Based on actual events, though probably skewed at least somewhat by the perspective of my 5 or 6-year-old self and the passage of 20 years . . . The only boy I ever remember telling my dad I had a crush on was a kid in my class named Tommy when I was in kindergarten or 1st grade. He had blonde hair and a red backpack. I don't remember any reasons for liking him, but I'd like to think I had more to go on than blonde hair, red backpack. Not that elementary crushes are ever going to lead anywhere, but still there should be more basis than that. I mean, at least a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles backpack should be involved. ;) When I told my dad about Tommy he just scrunched up his nose & said, "That's not a very good name." (I'm sure he didn't say that exactly, but I remember him making a comment about the name & this is just how it plays out in my memory.) Nothing ever happened with Tommy. Nothing happened with any boys for very many years after...

These past 2 months have been some of the most difficult I've faced in my life--I think evidenced by the volume of blogging I've done. Looking back over the past few years it seems I've done the most writing here when I've been struggling the most. And I hope to keep up the writing, though not out of the same motivation. God's been really pressing on my heart the past couple days to change my perspective & focus on that with which he's blessed me rather than on that for which he's calling me to patience. The specifics of my hopes, my dreams, my desires haven't changed. But I am confident in the restoration God will bring about, even if it doesn't shape up exactly how I think it will. So today I bring you a list of good things, flowing out of a heart that is learning to be thankful & joyous even while grieving. I'm starting to think that time heals nothing & that only remembering how to be joyful does. Maybe joy is the only thin...

I'd love to travel up north--far enough to see the lights dance across the sky as they do. Far away from cities & people. I want to sit on the roof of some small town inn, wrapped in a blanket sipping earl grey creme. I think I'd feel closer to God up there, alone on the roof, watching his brush strokes in action. I've wanted to do it for several years, only before it was on a porch in rocking chairs & not alone, but still with blankets & tea. But maybe some things you just have to do by yourself, maybe clarity comes more easily to an undistracted heart. Honestly I don't believe that, not even a little, but I'm trying to convince myself. I don't want to miss out on life while I'm waiting for someone to join me on the roof, though really it'd be quite difficult to carry blankets & tea up there all by oneself...

Twice in the past 2 days I've been told I look like I've lost weight. I've just kind of shrugged my shoulders. I don't have a scale, so honestly I couldn't tell you for sure. But I have made some attempt at eating better & I've been working out some, trying to improve leg strength in particular for snowboarding--maybe it's paying off. This is good news as snowboarding season will be upon us before you know it. I'm glad as I'm really craving cold & snow right now. And I long to conquer the mountain . . . or at least the bunny slope. ;) I do wonder about driving up there, though. I'm not keen on mountain driving & I haven't driven in snow in I think 5 years & I know nothing of tire chains & what have you. Of course, there are few people I would trust driving on the mountain especially in snow so it may just be one of those things I have to figure out for myself. Meh. Sometimes I'd just prefer it if life were a...

It's not over til it's over, but unfortunately now it is over. I'm pretty bummed about baseball tonight. I hope the Phillies beat the Rays, but in truth I am done with baseball for the season. Now I guess we'll just have to see what intrigue the off season will bring--particularly where will Manny end up? And will the Red Sox keep their catcher & team captain? Today was a rough day, but I go to bed really thankful for my sister-in-law & that helps.

Even considering the fact that my friend Jodi & I were locked out of her car for 2+ hours today, I had one of the best days I've had in nearly 2 months. This morning started out with a trip to the Calabasas Pumpkin Festival, which we attempted to attend last year but were informed upon our arrival that it had been cancelled due to high winds and the proximity of the wildfires in Malibu. We went sad-hearted to IHOP instead--still had a good time, but not quite what we had anticipated. Well this year thankfully we were able to go, not entirely the same group unfortunately, but most of us made our return & enjoyed a pumpkiny good time. Then this afternoon I went on a lovely hike with my friend Jodi on some bluffs overlooking the ocean. It was excellent & had been far too long since I'd gotten out for a good hike. The unfortunate incident of the keys locked in the car came next, but my plans for the evening were pretty much just to hang out with Jodi & I still g...

Something happened tonight that has never happened before. I take my baseball seriously & I really love it, and it can definitely get to me, but tonight was different. For the first time baseball made me cry. My Red Sox were down 5-0 in the top of the 7th, our closer had come in early because our pitching staff just couldn't hack it all night and then all too quickly we were down 7-0. And I was sad. It's been a down & out week for me due to sickness & just dealing with life. And my team was down & out and it just really got to me. I seriously considered changing the channel because I couldn't handle the potential disappointment. But something in me said, if they come back you don't want to miss it. You don't want to take your eye off the potential magic. And then in the bottom of the 7th with 2 outs, the Red Sox woke up. They started playing baseball again. The 7th closed with the score at 7-4. In the 8th we tied it up. Top of the 9th ...

Sorry if you're bored by all the baseball posts lately, but it really is the greatest sport on the planet (possibly tied with cricket, but that's another story for another day) & we only have a few precious days remaining before the off season. If you've been keeping an eye on things at all you know that tonight was another devastating loss for my Red Sox. :( But! It's not over til it's over. Surely it's a giant uphill battle, but we've been in this situation & worse before. 2004, down 3 games to none to the Yankees & made history coming back to win 4 in a row, no one had ever done that before & they were some of the tightest, closest, most heart-stopping games any fan of baseball may ever see. 2007, took game 1 against the Indians and then lost 3 in a row, exactly like our current situation, but we came back with some big wins. Things aren't great, we'd have to pick up 3 games in a row again with questionable pitching. I think...

The Red Sox game REALLY didn't go as I anticipated today. I'm pretty bummed. Regardless of how things turn out, even if we win the World Series, I'm kind of curious with what I will manage to capture my attention during the off-season. Baseball, at least when it's going well, is a good distraction. I am now the proud owner of a sewing machine; maybe I will fill my time with that. Of course I haven't sewn anything in over 10 years, so we'll see how this goes. I need to take up watercolor again too. I don't think I've painted anything in close to 3 years. Probably I should find something exciting to do too though. As much as I enjoy creative things, not many edge of your seat moments tend to occur, at least not if you're doing it right & you manage not to sew through your finger--that's the wrong kind of exciting . . .

I am VERY disappointed with the horrible calls the home plate ump made tonight in the 11th inning of the Red Sox/Rays game. Look, I get it, they've been at it for 5+ hours, there's no certain end in sight, you're tired, you want to go home & go to bed. But you DO NOT MORPH THE STRIKE ZONE. Come on!! I understand that some calls are difficult to see if you're not standing right behind home plate. I get it & will begrudgingly admit that maybe sometimes a ball that looks like a strike is a ball. BUT that wasn't the case tonight. In the 11th the Rays were given a ginormous strike zone & the Red Sox were given a minuscule one. That's ridiculous. Ugh. At least we go to Fenway now with Lester starting on Monday. I don't think the Red Sox are gonna be a team anyone's gonna want to mess with on Monday. Or for the rest of the games at Fenway for that matter. If I were a betting woman I'd say the Sox will finish this at home. Maybe that...

If you like good music & clicking on links then I recommend you click this one and enjoy the stream of Copeland's new album "You Are My Sunshine" that's coming out on Tuesday. This is the first album in months to which I'm looking forward. The other good piece of news for the day--Red Sox took game 1 of the ALCS! Woo! And hazaa! And jolly good! And whatnot! I'm trying not to find my happiness in baseball as I know the great potential of disappointment it holds in its chest, and true happiness cannot come from earthly things, but let's just say that it helps my days a lot right now. God helps more, but baseball is certainly not hurting. I really hope it can stay that way. A World Series repeat would be quite exciting.

Friends, enemies, amiable passersby, If you try to text me and I don't respond then my stupid phone probably rejected it & I have no way of telling who tried to text me. Sooo please use the old fashioned method of calling OR just keep texting your brains out til you get a response. Sorry for the inconvenience. I'll get a non-wonky phone as soon as Sprint lowers the price on one I actually like or on a pink one, whichever comes first. Yes I would buy a phone just because it's pink, in fact I have my eye on one right now, should the price become more reasonable. ;)

(This starts off bad, but it gets better I promise!) For most of the day I felt like Azina and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day . The day started off with needing air in my tires & one of them I just couldn't get a good seal on so instead of air going in, air only came out. I asked for help from the gas station mechanic & he told me the tires were full enough (they were not) and treated me like just some dumb girl. Now, I know I'm not dumb & some random stranger doesn't hold enough power over me to make me feel bad about myself, but it was frustrating & a waste of time & HOT. He did put some air in & the car drove much better--imagine that! I ended up being slightly late to work, but I called my boss to let him know & it was no problem. Work in itself was just frustrating for a million reasons. I had a frustrating email from a friend to whom I laid out some things from my heart & she made me feel completely misunderstood ...