reverie

Wow, I'm just sitting here and realizing how much I love life. It's one of those moments where it sort of just hits you, and not that I didn't love life before this - it has it's good and bad moments, but just now I had this swelling emotion of love and contentedness. I love when that happens. :) "It struck me, strong as anything ever has -- I'm happy today." "And what were you before today?" "I don't know what it was -- the way the sun struck the ocean or the sound of the waves. It was simple whatever it was." - Life as a House The delightful aroma of Howe's coffee fills the house. It will not be brewed til morning, but the beans have been ground and sit awaiting to bring much excitement in the morning. I would just like to point out that Nicole has ruined me with Howe's coffee as it is the best coffee in the world, but you can only get it in PA, or from Nicole when her wonderful mom sends it. It has been quite awhile since...

***As of 4:42 pm Pacific Daylight Time on Tuesday August 30th when I am writing this addition, the link appears to be working, having been tested by myself, Raj and Galen. Thanks guys. Of course, Ronnie was kind enough to check it for me last night, so there's really no telling. Hopefully it will continue to work.*** **I apologize for the trouble with the link, apparently the server is down as I can't access it either, nor can I log in to try and address the problem. Should this problem persist I will try to find a new server, but right now I'm hoping it just magically fixes itself. I will keep you updated. In the meantime you should go here and enjoy a little love from Cary Brothers. You will find the songs from the All the Rage EP in addition to new music from the upcoming Waiting For Your Letter EP. It's all very good stuff kids. And then you can go here to see if he'll be coming to a town near you on the Hotel Cafe tour.** So what started out as something I...

Somedays we must set aside whimsy and nonsense and turn our attention to something more serious . . . Please pray for Merlin (he is a friend of Nicole and I), his grandfather unexpectedly passed away this morning. Please pray for him and his family. It's hard to see a friend hurting.

So for no particular reason I find myself up really late tonight. Well possibly the particular reason is that I fell asleep on the couch from 9-midnight, very exciting Friday night. But I'm okay with that. So now for some randomness from me. Yay! I know you're very excited. :) I was going through my collage folder tonight, finally sorting the various magazine clippings into their main colors. I'm sure you're surprised that I had not done so before now as you probably should be, but collaging is sort of a random thing I do only on occasion so it's not really that odd. Now if it were something that I paid attention to on a regular basis like say my closet, of course it would have been kept in meticulous color order. :) So in going through this folder I found some fun things to stick on our red bulletin board. Yes, we painted the bulletin board red. What do you expect, we painted the fridge, is the bulletin board really so much of a stretch? Although, the bulletin boar...

tears flow from the sky as words drift off to deaf ears she only needs someone to hear so she thinks really needing someone to see to know her she doesn't want to hide or pretend with a thousand different masks each one to please someone else but she hates all these facades she's fractured an unfinished mosaic all the pieces may not fit the picture of her life left incomplete unattended but photos are still she longs for a beautiful journey not a preserved moment the tale is about to unfold she will embrace her individuality and so might they in time maybe even appreciate it it's all only beginning the pages of the next chapter turning it shall be scribbled with hopes in bloom she will do her best to be faithful and nurture what has been entrusted to her and if you're willing to take part you may just become integral to the story ready to be written

As you scamper to leave oodles of comments here on the beloved blog, you will notice a new feature, word verification aka squiggly letters you must decipher and type in to allow you post a comment. I know it may seem a little obnoxious, but this allows me to run things the way I like them, allowing anyone to post a legitimate comment and not excluding anonymous posters, while at the same time stifling those incessant rats from posting tripe all about the comments section. Pretty much everyone wins this way, except for of course the aforementioned rats, but that is the point after all. Should you wish to engage this feature on your own blog, simply go to your blog settings, click on the comments tab and then approve word verification for comments. Hazaa for Tuesday - Taco Tuesday at Del Taco and 2 hours of Gilmore Girls! 3 weeks until the season premiere! :)

he never made me feel silly like my random thoughts could possibly be ridiculous I could philosophize and theorize and ponderize we could talk all night and whatever insanity escaped my lips he treated sweetly with this beautiful excitement and we laughed I can close my eyes and find myself back there sitting on the couch with our heads resting upon the cushions and conversing about whatever deep or trivial matter should manage to pop into our thoughts you grabbed my hand and we floated across the world I felt so safe like I couldn't fall or screw up with your hand protectively encompassing mine and at the right time you asked me to fly on my own still there to keep me from falling it was one of the best nights of my life but then suddenly again you were gone and I let you go I tried to move on I wanted to but here I am half a year later yearning for that moment again just 5 more minutes with you on that night

I wrote those words several months ago. At the time I think I believed them. Now in relation to a similar event in a slightly different context, I'm sure that I don't believe those words. Regardless of the events that we wake up to on Monday morning that take us by complete surprise, I don't believe hope can ever really be gone. It may be severely injured and suffering from amnesia in an infirmary. But in time I think it remembers itself and rejuvinates itself in our lives and in turn it reawakens us to the marvelous possibilities that surround us. God keeps telling me to wait and wait and wait when it comes to the deepest desire of my heart. The one thing I have wanted my whole life. It's hard and frustrating, but somehow I still have hope.

For all intents and purposes today was a great day. I got a lot done at work. I got a raise. I got to see my roommate. We had In n Out for dinner and we went to Target. We even watched an episode of "The Office." So why am I in such a blah mood now? Possibly I just need to sleep, but I'm sick of dreaming or rather waking up from dreams that are too far from reality, so I'm trying to wait until I'm good and tired. I'm really sad that I will be the only one in my family not in Omaha this September. People who are not me will get to see my nieces and sister and I don't. That sucks. Okay, my brother-in-law won't be there, but they're his kids and wife so he gets to see them all the time. My family really needs to get on this whole visiting LA concept. So far none of them have been out here for the sole purpose of seeing me, that's pretty gay. Of course, no one ever went to visit my sister until she had children, but since that's not happening a...

I've decided that today is the Un-Valentine's day as it is in the opposite part of the year from regular Valentine's day. I don't want you to get the wrong idea & go about spreading hate or breaking people's hearts or sending dead flowers. I am in no way endorsing such behavior. Rather, I think today should be a day focused on telling your non-significant others you love them. The people who actually hold great significance in your life but will always take a backseat (often not by choice) to your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse. Sure, some people do that on Valentine's day, but we all know ultimately Valentine's day is not about that. So I am declaring this new holiday, dedicated solely to that. Happy Un-Valentine's day everyone! Let a friend know you love him/her. It'll make their day. Consider this my way of saying I love you. I know writing it in a blog is sort of a cheap way to do it, but give me a break I just created a whole holiday for you. W...

awesome :) It's funny because it's true. It's also a little sad because it's true, but only if you think about it . . .

So I have this whole file of quotes saved and I was reading through them today and came across this one that I saved quite some time ago. "When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of algebra." - Gene Yasenak No doubt I saved it because I am amused by it, but truth be told thinking of algebra doesn't deter me from wanting to return to youth. Now, I don't often wish that I were in middle school again, but certainly not for reasons at all related to algebra. Quite the opposite really. Thinking about algebra sort of almost makes me want to return to youth, to a time when I loved math and people actually respected me for my intelligence. Not to say that I'm the most intelligent person in the world or that it's that big of a deal to me, but I feel like now no one has any idea that I'm pretty smart. It's just kinda weird for me. I was at a party probably about a month ago now, and some of the guys were talking about science and var...

To Nicole with love, you are the coolest. You bring me Ben & Jerry's when stupid crap happens. You are the coolest person in the whole of Los Angeles, maybe even the whole of California or even the West Coast. You are a light in an often dark and weary world. Together we will probably live forever because I don't think two people laugh more than we do, especially and random and sometimes juvenile stuff that no one else usually gets. You are one of my best friends and I love ya. :) Really, who else would agree to crazy painting and dressing up like presents and staying up the whole night decorating the house for Christmas and naked parties? I mean, uh . . . really there were no naked parties. Keep moving, nothing to see here. Thanks for being so awesome.

So in checking my online bank statements I just noticed something quite interesting. Okay, maybe it's not that interesting but since I'm such a numbers person it's interesting to me. The other day I went grocery shopping, but I went to two grocery stores because I like to buy most of my stuff from Trader Joe's, but they don't have the yogurt smoothies I like, so I had to go to another store. It turns out that I ended up spending $20.21 at both places and I didn't even realize that. It's kinda crazy that the totals for both stores would come out the same. And strange that I didn't notice it the other day. Ah well. And no I didn't spend $20 on just yogurt, I got other things there too like baking soda for our new fridge to keep it smelling nice. :) Our fridge is so cool. No pun intended. We did something really fun to it, but those of you who don't already know will have to wait and be surprised. I'm quite pleased with it, though. Speaking of n...

the thought of sleep snatches my breath my lungs burn yearning for air can't sleep yet too many thoughts unexamined everything must be sorted out in my mind the call to slumber grows louder can't give in yet . . .

(you'll have to click on it to make it large enough to read, unless you have better than 20/20 vision or you have different computer settings) I was highly amused by this. So it's been a crabby day, a crabby couple of days actually. The job is going splendidly, it's not about that at all. I've been feeling quite alone lately. I haven't hung out with any of my friends here in like 2 weeks, which totally sucks. And my dear roommate is house sitting now, so I'm all alone at home. It's quite sad. I went to the grocery store tonight because I had nothing to eat for dinner a my house and in front of me at the check out line was the pda couple of the universe, that was awesome. (note oozing sarcasm) And by the way, if you're considering posting a comment here anonymously with a link to your "blog" that only happens to be google ads, don't do it. It'll only infuriate me. I let people post anonymously because I know not everyone has a blogger id...

I want to know that I will not spend All the nights of my life alone For that is the saddest thought to me I want to marry in the church Where I grew up I want the wedding to be a reflection of us And not some crazy fiasco I want to plan for a marriage And not just for a wedding (I think too many people miss this point) I want to be really good friends with his mother My idealism tells me it's possible I want to slow dance in the kitchen When we should be cleaning up I want to quiet giggling children Half an hour after their bedtime I want to sponsor youth group with him And offer the kids a refuge from the rest of life I want to grow old And love his wrinkled face I want to pray with him and sing with him and laugh with him I want to grow with him hold hands with him and cherish him I want to meet him --------------------------------------------- I dream of worlds Where you'd understand And I dream a Million sleepless nights I dream of fire when You're touching my hand But...

and the emailers? and the comment posters? With a few notable exceptions it seems everyone's computer has broken or they have shut them down in order to enjoy the remaining days of summer. Living in a place where I don't really have to worry too much about the waning of perfectly good outdoor days, I find it somewhat difficult to excuse this behavior. Okay, I'm kidding, but it would be nice to see some sign of life from the world outside . . . Alas, I must away and finish readying myself for work. :)

I'm trying to remember that all of this stuff doesn't matter, that he can take it all away in an instant if he chooses. I'm trying to remember that my happiness is not because I am in the best job I have ever had, but my joy is in the fact that he placed me there. This is all very new for me - this level of trust & hope & faith. I wish I could sprinkle it over all of you like so much wonderful fairy dust so you could share in all of this amazement but I know the path it takes to arrive here & it is a difficult one that must be travelled sans magic. I always said I would look back on that time in my life, traversing that arduous road, and know how important it was and be able to appreciate that. I'm starting to see it now. And I'm trying to stay tenacious and not become too content to just sit here and enjoy this blessing. I am enjoying it, be assured that I am, but I do not want to become comfortable here. I know that it is all from him and it can all be...