reverie

You know what's great? The Chinese delivery man who brought food to our house tonight. He could not have been happier to be delivering food to us. It was awesome. Seriously, he was just infectiously joyous. Wow. :) Talking to Shauna on the phone today. How glad I am that I will get to see you in a couple months. Hazaa! One of my guy friends who told me tonight that I will make a great wife for someone. It was totally random, but he said he had been thinking it for a couple days and wanted to tell me that. Sometimes people think things and don't say them, and he said he didn't want to do that. I told him it means a lot to me. It really does. And Nicole. This is the girl I can spend 5 minutes laughing with at a silly knock knock joke and at the name of a drink at Swork Coffee- Honey Bunny Boo. (You can't tell me you don't think that's funny.) She is a Godsend in an often harsh world. And to top it all off, she surprised me with a wonderful gift this week, just to ...

fun friends from a very fun day :)

I wanted to be Gideon. I think I got that wish. I don't think I want that anymore. It sucks. I wanted God to use me not because I was qualified but because I was willing to serve him in spite of myself. So he said, hey how about you go to LA. Fun times for everyone. Not sure how the Gideon desire got through stronger than anything else. What I really wanted was a good life, to be a wife and to raise a family. It's why I started learning how to cook at a young age. I wanted to serve my family & my God, to be known as my husband's wife and my children's mom, a woman who genuinely cared and loved God. I want to be a youth group sponsor and sing on the p&w team. That's all I've ever really wanted. And somehow I find myself here so far removed from anything remotely close to those things in a world that hurts a lot. And I feel like God has put me on hold & if I stay on the line long enough he'll come back and ask me what I was holding for, but the hol...

Those of you who have been around for awhile might remember the old website I have, or those of you who have browsed my profile have possibly stumbled across it. (Note: If you want to see it, go to my profile, it's still in there.) Anyway, on my old site I used to do this thing called the good things/bad things list. In it I would list the good things going on in my life and the bad things, thus the ultra clever title. The last time I wrote one of those lists was upon being accepted into my LA semester, so a year and a half ago. I feel compelled to write one of those lists again, except tonight I only feel like writing a good things list. Not that there are NO bad things, but there aren't a lot & I'd have to dig deep for them, so I figure I'll let those dormant things be for now. And now the list . . . ~ being a girl (this particular one is simply something that's good for my life & hopefully the rest of the girls who read this, I just want to clarify that, ...

So I found a way to allocate myself more free dial-up hours before the DSL arrives. It's not just because I am an internet junkie, it's quite difficult to check job postings and send out resumes sans internet & it's better to have internet at my house than to go to Panera to use their free internet. Gasp, I know that's crazy talk, but free dial-up at my house tends to be much more free than free wireless at Panera where all the delicious and non-free food happens to be. I see how they trap people with the promise of "free" internet. You can't fool me. ;) So yes, once again my lapse isn't very lapsical. Lapseful? Lapsey? I don't know, anyway more free internet = no blog lapsification. Bet you didn't think I could come up with another one. Do not doubt my word makeupabilities, they are astoundful. :) Yeah, so I've sat here for over an hour doing other stuff & not writing anything more here, so I think I'm done for now. Here are so...

Our refrigerator is broken. It is sad. Shannon tried to fix it for us. He is awesome & worked on it for awhile, but it is still broken. We need a new one. Right now we have one of Jeremy's mini fridges that he didn't need anymore. It is like being in college again. I went to small group this week. I met some new people. It was good. I am excited about church tomorrow. They are doing a series called "Life's Biggest Questions." I like it. I am interested to find out what God has in store for this week. I will now be working at my internship on Mondays and Tuesdays. I am having a hard time being patient with this job. I don't know what God's plan is for me there. I'm also in need of another job to help pay the bills. Please pray that I will find something suitable. I wonder what this week has in store. I have a new friend with whom I would like to spend more time. I hope that can happen this week. I'm not sure when I'll be able to blog next. I...

I found this picture online one day. It is awesome. :)

I am just amazed by tonight and this weekend in general. We moved into our new apartment yesterday with the help of three very wonderful boys. Chris dubbed them the moving angels. So true, even if Shannon didn't think it was a masculine enough term, he thought moving stud fit him better. That's true as well. I cannot tell you how thankful I was to have these guys helping out. It made the very long day much better and a lot funnier. :) Church was all kinds of amazing tonight. The p&w was phenomenal. And the sermon, that made me feel real true love for God that I haven't felt in a long time. I didn't realize it wasn't there until I was overwhelmed by a swell of love for God in my heart tonight. And it's not like all that time before I didn't love him, but then it was more like the kind of love you have for an annoying family member whom you have to love because they're family. That kind of love, obligatory love, is cheap and it isn't real and it is...

To Ravi with love, for calling and making sure I wouldn't be on the 605 when you saw two police chases there on tv the other day. I have the best baby brother. Thanks for looking out for me, though you can rest assured that I had no idea the 605 even existed before you called me, so no worries. To Galen with love, for being born a rescuer and so embracing that about yourself. I went to bed so happy after talking to you the other night. Thanks for being so wonderful. To Pieter with love, $2.61. You rock. You rock anyway, but thanks for that. I hope we can hang out before you are swept away to the Northwest. To Jon Mark, Shannon, and Jeremy with love, I'm pretty sure only Jon Mark reads this, but uber thanks in advance for helping us move all our furniture. I really appreciate it more than you guys know. To Shauna with love, YOU are excellent. The picture is great, thank you. I will email you more soon, I'm sorry I haven't written or talked to you in so very long . . . so...

This has been about the longest I have gone without writing in quite some time. My friend Steve was in town last week, so I was spending time hanging out with him. It was nice to see him again, I hadn't seen him since graduation last year. He also paid for a lot of stuff as I have no money, so that was very nice of him. It was sad taking him to the airport on Sunday. In other news, I started my new "job" today. Glad to see that degree is really paying off and allowing me to go back to being an intern and not get paid. That's something to be thankful for when I send off my loan payment tomorrow. In the long run I know it will be good to be working at this place, but right now it's just killing me. My mom told me tonight again about this lady at church who always asks about me & always tells my mom how proud she is of me that I'm out here trying to follow a dream. Usually that makes me feel better. Today I just wanted to say, right now it's not a dream i...

(I'm the little one)

Repeat after me, largest democracy in the freakin' universe. Well, that's assuming they don't have democracies on Betazed, but I'm pretty sure they don't. Yep, busting out my Star Trek nerd-dom. Anyway, the place I was actually referring to is called India, you've probably heard of it, it's not from Star Trek. It is the largest democracy. It kicked England's arse out about 58 years ago. Not unlike us, only they did a better job of it. Given these similarities and the vast coolness of India, this is probably a country we should be really good friends with. But no, who did we just sell F-16s to? That'd be freakin' Pakistan, India's number one enemy, and a potentially volatile country harboring nukes. Props on that plan. Not that I don't think India and Pakistan should resolve things and that the U.S. can be friends with both countries, but all we're succeeding in doing right now is angering India & that's a craphole of a plan. N...

I wanted to post something, but I do not feel like sharing what is going on in my life right now. Simply because I am on the verge of something great and I fear that the slightest whisper could knock it off its course and I do not wish for that to happen. It is silly, I know, but I promise to share more when things are more concrete. In the meantime I will offer you words from Phil. "but I feel lost in the void of being... what I mean is, I guess I forget myself in my surroundings- the people I meet and their stories, the world around me with its flowering trees and drifting-cloud skies, and the sun that plays tricks, hiding and then melting at the end of each day, shifting all the shadows behind it. Sometimes it's relieving to forget yourself. Thinking about where I am in the world, I can almost feel it's curve; I feel like a spot on the giant globe, standing still as it revolves, my blood moving to the subtle tides of it's magnetic fields, pulling me out onto the roa...

somewhere over the rainbow he played on acoustic guitar laughter waves crashing on the shore eroding away grains of sadness replaced by chocolate covered memories and the promise of hope spring will arrive soon joy blissfully foolish optimism the haze is gone I can see beyond the immediate the pain is washing out to sea I can think of you again even in the distance and smile just because I know you So, I wrote that last night when I was in a really happy mood as I had a great time hanging out with my roomie and her friend. Today was less happy, but I still wanted to post this. The haze thing is literal, it was remarkably hazy here last week, but today I could see the mountains even. For those of you who don't know, you can live in Los Angeles for almost a year and not realize that you should be able to see mountains here. That sounds quite sad, I realize, and to some extent it is. But the marvelous thing is that you really truly appreciate their splendor on the days you can see the...

to those who have been there when I've been so sad, who have stuck around and not tried to offer simple answers where there are none to those who have cared enough to make sure I'm okay or that I will be (I will, today was a better day) to those who come back here even when I have nothing amusing or whimsical to say, I greatly desire to make you laugh or at least smile, but sometimes I get caught up in the sorrow. I will do my best to have something funny to say soon to those of you who pray, it works, I have felt it and am eternally grateful to my friends who visit me, even though I hate to see you go (I had so much fun with you here, Shauna) to those who comment here, I like reading your thoughts to the Jewish man in the Easter candy aisle, ah what blissful irony- yes, I have considered the possibility that he was a Messianic Jew, but please don't ruin my amusement with your earth logic to the crazy people at the farmer's market who protest making ponies give rides to...

now I lay me down to sleep I pray the Lord my soul to keep I can't keep it anymore I've locked myself outside hope's door guide me through this long, dark night if I last 'til dawn I might find my long lost faith again help me to hold on 'til then may the sun soon rise and wash away these cloudy skies hold me close until I wake this pain seems more than I can take

Since I can guarantee that I'm having a cooler week than you are, I offer you the amazing fantastical most spectacular supercalifragilisticexpealidocious don't care how that word is really spelled sex free kind of a hump day! Why is your week so cool, Azina? You might be wondering. And I would answer that it is because Shauna who is one of my favoritist people in the universe is in town right now. She arrived on Monday and on the way home from the airport we decided to meet Nicole for lunch in Santa Monica. On the way my lovely little car got a flat tire. Funny how seriously last week I thought to myself, "hmm I've never gotten a flat tire while driving before." Me and my stupid thoughts. Thankfully Shauna is awesome and can change a tire because I am completely worthless in that capacity. We then drove the few blocks to Panera for lunch, and discovered that the spare had gone flat. Good times. Then Panera didn't have the soup I wanted even though it was Monda...

You ever have moments when you really feel like writing something, but when you actually sit down to do it you have nothing to say? And that's not to suggest that there is nothing to say. Most of you don't know that when our lease is up in April Heather will be moving into an apartment of her own with her new puppy. And Nicole and I will be moving into a new place. So there's apartment hunting happening on top of job searching. Life is a little scary right now with its complete lack of stability. Tuesday night Nicole and I made a nice dinner and had some wine to toast our apartment searching. We had chicken & pasta with a white wine sauce. Yeah, the alcohol didn't really get cooked out of the sauce enough. Whoops. It was yummy though and as Nicole put it, "Who doesn't like getting drunk off of pasta?" Wow, I just realized that this new apartment will be the 8th place I move into in 5 years. Bleh. It'll be really nice for the transient lifestyle to ...

Pieter came over last night. It was cool to hang out with him. Met his friend Bill who looks like Bam Margera in his myspace picture, but not in real life. (Bill thinks I'm crazy for saying that. Oh well.) After they left Nicole & I were sitting around and thinking about watching Garden State at 1:30 am. I invited Jon Mark to come over & watch it with us. It was around 2 by the time he got here. It was a good time. We didn't really watch the film, though. We sat around and talked and listened to music til about 5 am. Crazy, but fun. Jon Mark had this to say about it today: "whoever decided to 'watch' garden state at 2:30 had rocks in their head...." I would just like to point out that rocks in my head equals a good time for everyone. It also equals me staying up til 7 am. After Jon Mark left I wrote an email & when I finished it I noticed that there was light peeking through my window. And since I never get up that early I thought I'd go outsid...

All friends and/or loved ones are officially asked to refrain from visiting me unless you agree to adhere to the following conditions: 1. you must not cause me to have a good time 2. you must not be fun 3. you must not do anything that will remind me why I like you so much to even want you to visit in the first place That should about cover it. I am kidding of course. But my heart does hurt right now & I don't want that sadness anymore. I dislike it and wish nothing more to do with it. I am open to suggestions that don't involve preventing my friends from visiting. Please refrain from any suggestions that require bartending monkeys. (wishing I didn't have to make that stipulation)