reverie

I think I may be turning into some sort of desert creature. I crave heat lately in a way that is unnatural--I am certain I'm not sick & I have the thermostat in my apartment set to 82 right now AND I'm under a blanket. Unholy, I know. Plus over the past couple days anytime I drank more than about 6 ounces of any fluid in one sitting I started feeling a little bleh. If I start growing scales or something I'll be sure to see a doctor. ;) I was in Pasadena last night and instead of driving straight home I decided to scope out some of the neighborhood Christmas decorations. And what to my wondering eyes should appear? This year's best Christmas inflatable. It doesn't beat the giant snowman with a snowglobe base from last year, but still it's rather amusing. Behold the ridiculously large inflatable nativity! Haha I love this stuff. Giant inflatable holiday lawn decorations were simultaneously the best and worst invention--they crack me up with their ri

Last night as I was leaving the grocery store I met a homeless man named David. Honestly I had intended to hand him a few bucks, say "God bless you" & walk away. Not that giving isn't good or sufficient, but God had a bit more planned this time. In our brief conversation David said 3 things that really struck me. 1. He was moved to tears telling me of the sleeping bag someone had recently given him. (Wow! To think if we were all that generous! A fairly small gesture on one man's part was a gift worth crying over for David. The thing that amazes me is that meeting a need so often taxes our comfort zone more than our wallets. If we could approach the world more often that way, going beyond ourselves to meet a real need, imagine how God could bless people through us.) 2. In nearly the same breath David asked why Jesus didn't love him anymore. I told him that Jesus still loved him; He brought someone into David's life to give him that sleeping bag. An

I've taken to praying in the car, particularly while I drive to work, but at other times too. It (sort of) helps with frustration toward individuals whose IQ's may be slightly lower than what should be required for operating a motor vehicle. And more importantly it gives me a dedicated half hour to spend with God every morning. The other day while driving to work I was thinking about time from my perspective and how sometimes it can seem like time is running out for God to do the things I hope He's going to do in my life. And then I got a gentle reminder of Creation. God created the world in 6 days: plants, animals, oceans, land, sky, stars, people. If He can do that, what makes me think He could ever run out of time to work in my life? Every day is a movement toward whatever He's planning. Even if I can't see the movement day to day, I can trust He's at work. And who knows? In 6 days my life may look completely different. Our lives aren't static;

what was frozen through is newly purposed turning all things green so it is with You and how You make me new with every season's change and so it will be as You are recreating me I have had what can only be described as an intense day--in mostly good ways, but definitely a lot to take in. I started the morning by popping in one of my favorite cds--Nichole Nordeman's "This Mystery." The album just uplifts me & I love singing along to it. The title of this post and the italicized bits that follow are from her song "Every Season" and it describes rather accurately how I've been feeling lately--more on that in a second. As I was driving to church tonight the last song on this cd came on. I've heard it a million times and while it's a touching song about the crucifixion for the first time tonight it moved me to tears from the center of my soul. It was somewhat stunning, but they weren't tears of sorrow or frustration, they were tears of

Tonight Nicole & I decorated the apartment for Christmas. I think this is the latest we've ever done it, but between me being in Palm Desert half of Thanksgiving weekend and sickness for both of us we just really haven't had the chance. While decorating we also listened to Christmas music, of course! Some really great new Christmas cds have come out this year, but by far my favorite is Dustin Kensrue's This Good Night Is Still Everywhere. Dustin Kensrue is the lead singer of Thrice and he put out a solo album in 2007 (Please Come Home-- sooo good). I don't know that I've mentioned him here before so it may surprise you to find out that my love for his music and a lot of Thrice's tops my love for 30 Seconds to Mars. It's shocking I know, but Dustin Kensrue sings to my heart & soul in a way that few artists do. His solo stuff is very folky , moreso than I tend to go for, but like I said it resonates with my soul. And the title track off h

First of all, thank you SO much to all of you who have visited The Daybreak Project . The support & prayers I've received from many of you for it really mean a lot. We're now up to 3 names! :) The growth is somewhat slow, but I'm excited for the things God is doing and will do through it. This weekend I wrote a new post for the blog over there and will aim to post something new at least semi-regularly. I've been on somewhat of a Spaghettios kick lately. By that I mean I've had 3 cans for various meals this week whereas before this week I can't remember the last time I had Spaghettios. They're highly underrated & very cheap at Target (half of what they cost at Ralph's). Now that I mention it, Ralph's is a funny name for a grocery store, right? Anyway, this recent Spaghettios resurgence in my life reminded me of a specific childhood lunch. I was sitting at the kitchen table when I came across something hard from my bowl of Spaghettios

The amount of sinus congestion trying to squish my brain out my ears coupled with the fact that I just took Target brand cold & sinus nighttime medication with antihistamines which will probably be knocking me out any time in the next 3-5 minutes may result in this post not making any sense. And yet I still felt the desire to post something this evening. I hope you all had lovely Thanksgivings. Mine was fairly relaxed. I got frustrated with people who got a little cranky when the turkey wasn't done as quickly as expected--it gets done when it gets done! But that wasn't too bad. The only truly horrible part of the day was trying to get the turkey innards from the turkey and into the garbage. Nicole's office gives away free turkeys every year, which is very kind of them, however they buy slightly cheaper turkeys than I would have sprung for. Still free is free & you can't complain, that is until you stuff your arm elbow-length into a cold bird carcass expec

Yes. A building can't jump at all. haha have I mentioned that I love stupid jokes? Thanksgiving has snuck up on me this year. I sort of saw it coming & sort of didn't. I mean I always knew it was there, but I didn't really think much about it. This marks Nicole's & my 4 th year hosting the holiday so a lot of things nearly plan themselves & those that didn't got ignored for awhile. Early on I pared down my cooking list as much as possible, having recently realized that it's okay to let someone else make the biscuits even if they're not what I'd make. It's even okay if the cranberry sauce is from a can as no one seems to eat it anyway. It's okay if when I go to Ralph's on Tuesday night, at nearly the last minute, they don't have 2/3 rds of the items I need to make pumpkin pie so I buy one premade rather than playing Greater LA Metro area grocery store scavenger hunt. It's okay and probably even good if Martha St

I am pretty impressed with myself that I have taken on a project and been really dedicated to bringing it about--not to toot my own horn. Sometimes I get easily excited about a new project in the beginning stages & start to dive into it until life or something else gets in the way. So I'm proud of myself and pleased that tonight I published The Daybreak Project website . Right now it's mostly a lot of reading, but I suppose that's necessary for people to know what it is. If any of you faithful & beloved blog readers have any feedback I'd really appreciate it. As I've been thinking about it over the weekend, I feel this is a ministry that God has been growing in me since college and I'm really excited to be working on this. Marriage is something I'm deeply passionate about. With the exception of those with a specific call toward celibacy, men & women were designed for marriage, a design our culture tends to get in the way of a lot, which I f

Last week a friend brought up the story of Jacob wrestling with God and how Jacob said, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." She said, don't let go, don't give up until you receive your blessing. Jacob wrestled til daybreak. I think that's metaphorically significant--the night will end, the sun will rise, and God will bless you, just hang on long enough for it. (Genesis 32:22-32) I've been struggling with God lately. Strangely I feel my faith is at a strong point, but so is my frustration. And I realized this afternoon that I'm not just frustrated for myself, but I'm frustrated that there are several women I know whose hearts ache in the exact same way that mine does. We long to be married; we feel called to it; we hope for it; we dream of it. The thing that's most difficult about it is that most if not all of the women who come to mind right now are amazing women of God and all of them are strong & beautiful & fun people. A

This has been cracking me up lately. Mind your volume; the sound quality isn't great. The song is originally from It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia, but I think the random humor stands on its own & in fact I did not really begin to appreciate the song until I heard this cover by Of Montreal. I have an mp3 of it that's better quality, so if anyone finds it as amusing as I do let me know & I'd be happy to share the love. -------------------------------------- In Ben Hur there's a scene where the titular character is a slave on a Roman ship & he's referred to by his slave number, 41. For some reason the way one of the Roman dudes shouts out 41! has stuck with me since I first saw the film. It came to mind today as I thought, 41 days til Shauna comes to visit! Shauna has been mentioned several times here. She is in fact the one who got me started in this whole crazy world of blogging--you can visit her blog with the link over there on the right.

Sunday nights are my least favorite as they mean Monday is once again right around the corner. But instead of having a bad attitude about Monday I thought I'd reflect on a few good things from the weekend. Cheesy movies--I watched Made of Honor and Center Stage 2 this weekend. Both are about as good as they look, which means they can't really be categorized as good in any cinematic sense, but they are both amusing & were good for a little weekend escapism. Sometimes it's good not to be a movie snob, one of my favorite movie going experiences was to a film I had little desire to see, but the company was worth it and it ended up being a really fun experience. Pumpkin pie--I bought one at Ralph's tonight. I haven't really been excited enough about fall (nor has fall really existed much) to do any pumpkin baking yet this year, so store bought pumpkin goods are a happy substitute. 2:15--I finished cooking for cafe tonight in a record 2 hours and 15 minutes! This

I had a revelation tonight. One that would have been fantastically more helpful a year ago or even 6 months ago. Not that it isn't useful now, just would have been more immediately applicable then & who knows what might be different. But for whatever reason it didn't come til now and I have to trust in God's perfect timing and trust that when the chance does come to apply it even if it's not the chance I want right now, that I will remember well what has been uncovered in my mind. I have a deep misunderstanding of the hows and whys of this world and of my God. The world is broken so I get that things aren't often as they should be. And when it comes to God I guess if I really got Him then he wouldn't be God. Sometimes though it'd be nice if things were a smidge easier. I can only hope that looking back on this and how it will shape the future course of my life that I will be able to say that it was well worth it.

red-kissed leaves fluttering about in the autumn breeze branches bow giving sight of the rain in the distance bathing the mountains change has claimed its place waiting once again nearly too long

don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed cause we're so scared to find out what this life's all about so scared we're going to lose it not knowing all along that's exactly what we need I got halfway to church tonight before I turned around and came home. Tears were too close to the surface & even though that's the one place I should feel safe to just let it out, I do not. And a part of me knows that I should have gone & not cared at all about being a crying mess in front of friends & strangers, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Life is at an extremely difficult point right now. I made a decision this week that was necessary but very tough. Even for all the difficult times I faced over the past year, this is currently the hardest part. I only pray that it does not get any more difficult because in truth I do not know how much more I can withstand. I know that God does not give us more than we can handle, but the past wee

As the potential for rain was too high for my liking for hiking on Saturday, my friend Jodi & I instead ended up walking the path by the beach away from which she lives about a block. On our walk we saw a paddle boarder, scuba divers making their way back to land, and a guy (who knew what he was doing) throwing a boomerang. It was all very out of the ordinary for my expectations of California beaches, so it was very cool. And yesterday at The Americana which is the Grove's somewhat inferior cousin, we saw them putting up the Christmas tree. This would be one of those trees that's about 2700 feet tall. The interesting thing about these giant Christmas trees that most people don't know is that they don't come as full and pretty as they are when you see them at Christmastime. Many extra branches are somehow installed to give the tree that perfect, full Christmas tree shape. There were hundreds of branches laying all about the ground yesterday just waiting to take

So I finally went through and uploaded a bunch of photos from the past 6+ months that for whatever reason never made it onto my computer & I thought I would share a few with all of you lovely people! Sunset in Auburn, CA The Burger King "walk-thru" apparently. What I most love about this though is that he's walking a dog. Things like this are why I try to always have a camera on me. In Coronado. This pelican outsmarted these guys. They dropped the net they were trying to catch or shoe him away with. It was hilarious. Coronado is a great place except for the horrible bridge you have to drive over to get there . . . I still want to puke thinking about it. Somewhere in Korea Town. This squirrel watched me for several minutes on my lunch break one day. Calabasas Pumpkin Festival (We didn't buy any pumpkins, just took photos with them. haha) Halloween with my friend Dan dressed as a "douche bag," wearing the most hideous hat ever. (Would be just as hideous

I must say there is a (somewhat larger than I'd like to admit) part of me that wants to say haha Rays, you lost! And in truth I'm glad they did. I feel like those punks need to be taught a lesson. A part of me feels bad b/c I know that they had a dream within their grasp, they accomplished something huge in winning the AL East and the ALCS, but I really can't muster that much sympathy for them--a tiny amount but that's it. I'm glad the Phillies won, but only because they're not the Rays. Sadly now though it means baseball is completely over for the season. Still I find myself checking the Red Sox website everyday to see what exciting things might happen in the off season. I'm also checking the Yankees site because I'm dying to know where Manny will end up. I hope the Dodgers will keep him; I think his brand of oddness is best suited for LA. Plus it would be devastating for the Yanks to have his bat. Although, I think they're smart enough no

One of the hardest things for me in moving to LA was finding a new church. I loved the church I left back in Omaha. Over the years that church has changed beyond recognition and God has grown up in me a love for a church out here. Many Sundays go by that I leave my church with a giddy feeling in my heart. A few weeks ago in the midst of extreme financial uncertainty in the country and before the bailout had passed our pastor thanked the church for giving over $30,000.00 toward missions--that's in addition to the regular offering. I am astounded and overjoyed that the state of the economy isn't dictating the state of many people's faiths. This past Sunday was another "I love my church" kind of day. The sermon was amazing. In some ways it spoke to what I had been praying about on my drive over, which speaks to what God is doing in and around me right now and in itself is exciting, but even aside from that the sermon was just really edifying. It was about bein

Based on actual events, though probably skewed at least somewhat by the perspective of my 5 or 6-year-old self and the passage of 20 years . . . The only boy I ever remember telling my dad I had a crush on was a kid in my class named Tommy when I was in kindergarten or 1st grade. He had blonde hair and a red backpack. I don't remember any reasons for liking him, but I'd like to think I had more to go on than blonde hair, red backpack. Not that elementary crushes are ever going to lead anywhere, but still there should be more basis than that. I mean, at least a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles backpack should be involved. ;) When I told my dad about Tommy he just scrunched up his nose & said, "That's not a very good name." (I'm sure he didn't say that exactly, but I remember him making a comment about the name & this is just how it plays out in my memory.) Nothing ever happened with Tommy. Nothing happened with any boys for very many years after

These past 2 months have been some of the most difficult I've faced in my life--I think evidenced by the volume of blogging I've done. Looking back over the past few years it seems I've done the most writing here when I've been struggling the most. And I hope to keep up the writing, though not out of the same motivation. God's been really pressing on my heart the past couple days to change my perspective & focus on that with which he's blessed me rather than on that for which he's calling me to patience. The specifics of my hopes, my dreams, my desires haven't changed. But I am confident in the restoration God will bring about, even if it doesn't shape up exactly how I think it will. So today I bring you a list of good things, flowing out of a heart that is learning to be thankful & joyous even while grieving. I'm starting to think that time heals nothing & that only remembering how to be joyful does. Maybe joy is the only thin

I'd love to travel up north--far enough to see the lights dance across the sky as they do. Far away from cities & people. I want to sit on the roof of some small town inn, wrapped in a blanket sipping earl grey creme. I think I'd feel closer to God up there, alone on the roof, watching his brush strokes in action. I've wanted to do it for several years, only before it was on a porch in rocking chairs & not alone, but still with blankets & tea. But maybe some things you just have to do by yourself, maybe clarity comes more easily to an undistracted heart. Honestly I don't believe that, not even a little, but I'm trying to convince myself. I don't want to miss out on life while I'm waiting for someone to join me on the roof, though really it'd be quite difficult to carry blankets & tea up there all by oneself...

Twice in the past 2 days I've been told I look like I've lost weight. I've just kind of shrugged my shoulders. I don't have a scale, so honestly I couldn't tell you for sure. But I have made some attempt at eating better & I've been working out some, trying to improve leg strength in particular for snowboarding--maybe it's paying off. This is good news as snowboarding season will be upon us before you know it. I'm glad as I'm really craving cold & snow right now. And I long to conquer the mountain . . . or at least the bunny slope. ;) I do wonder about driving up there, though. I'm not keen on mountain driving & I haven't driven in snow in I think 5 years & I know nothing of tire chains & what have you. Of course, there are few people I would trust driving on the mountain especially in snow so it may just be one of those things I have to figure out for myself. Meh. Sometimes I'd just prefer it if life were a

It's not over til it's over, but unfortunately now it is over. I'm pretty bummed about baseball tonight. I hope the Phillies beat the Rays, but in truth I am done with baseball for the season. Now I guess we'll just have to see what intrigue the off season will bring--particularly where will Manny end up? And will the Red Sox keep their catcher & team captain? Today was a rough day, but I go to bed really thankful for my sister-in-law & that helps.

Even considering the fact that my friend Jodi & I were locked out of her car for 2+ hours today, I had one of the best days I've had in nearly 2 months. This morning started out with a trip to the Calabasas Pumpkin Festival, which we attempted to attend last year but were informed upon our arrival that it had been cancelled due to high winds and the proximity of the wildfires in Malibu. We went sad-hearted to IHOP instead--still had a good time, but not quite what we had anticipated. Well this year thankfully we were able to go, not entirely the same group unfortunately, but most of us made our return & enjoyed a pumpkiny good time. Then this afternoon I went on a lovely hike with my friend Jodi on some bluffs overlooking the ocean. It was excellent & had been far too long since I'd gotten out for a good hike. The unfortunate incident of the keys locked in the car came next, but my plans for the evening were pretty much just to hang out with Jodi & I still g

Something happened tonight that has never happened before. I take my baseball seriously & I really love it, and it can definitely get to me, but tonight was different. For the first time baseball made me cry. My Red Sox were down 5-0 in the top of the 7th, our closer had come in early because our pitching staff just couldn't hack it all night and then all too quickly we were down 7-0. And I was sad. It's been a down & out week for me due to sickness & just dealing with life. And my team was down & out and it just really got to me. I seriously considered changing the channel because I couldn't handle the potential disappointment. But something in me said, if they come back you don't want to miss it. You don't want to take your eye off the potential magic. And then in the bottom of the 7th with 2 outs, the Red Sox woke up. They started playing baseball again. The 7th closed with the score at 7-4. In the 8th we tied it up. Top of the 9th

Sorry if you're bored by all the baseball posts lately, but it really is the greatest sport on the planet (possibly tied with cricket, but that's another story for another day) & we only have a few precious days remaining before the off season. If you've been keeping an eye on things at all you know that tonight was another devastating loss for my Red Sox. :( But! It's not over til it's over. Surely it's a giant uphill battle, but we've been in this situation & worse before. 2004, down 3 games to none to the Yankees & made history coming back to win 4 in a row, no one had ever done that before & they were some of the tightest, closest, most heart-stopping games any fan of baseball may ever see. 2007, took game 1 against the Indians and then lost 3 in a row, exactly like our current situation, but we came back with some big wins. Things aren't great, we'd have to pick up 3 games in a row again with questionable pitching. I think

The Red Sox game REALLY didn't go as I anticipated today. I'm pretty bummed. Regardless of how things turn out, even if we win the World Series, I'm kind of curious with what I will manage to capture my attention during the off-season. Baseball, at least when it's going well, is a good distraction. I am now the proud owner of a sewing machine; maybe I will fill my time with that. Of course I haven't sewn anything in over 10 years, so we'll see how this goes. I need to take up watercolor again too. I don't think I've painted anything in close to 3 years. Probably I should find something exciting to do too though. As much as I enjoy creative things, not many edge of your seat moments tend to occur, at least not if you're doing it right & you manage not to sew through your finger--that's the wrong kind of exciting . . .

I am VERY disappointed with the horrible calls the home plate ump made tonight in the 11th inning of the Red Sox/Rays game. Look, I get it, they've been at it for 5+ hours, there's no certain end in sight, you're tired, you want to go home & go to bed. But you DO NOT MORPH THE STRIKE ZONE. Come on!! I understand that some calls are difficult to see if you're not standing right behind home plate. I get it & will begrudgingly admit that maybe sometimes a ball that looks like a strike is a ball. BUT that wasn't the case tonight. In the 11th the Rays were given a ginormous strike zone & the Red Sox were given a minuscule one. That's ridiculous. Ugh. At least we go to Fenway now with Lester starting on Monday. I don't think the Red Sox are gonna be a team anyone's gonna want to mess with on Monday. Or for the rest of the games at Fenway for that matter. If I were a betting woman I'd say the Sox will finish this at home. Maybe that

If you like good music & clicking on links then I recommend you click this one and enjoy the stream of Copeland's new album "You Are My Sunshine" that's coming out on Tuesday. This is the first album in months to which I'm looking forward. The other good piece of news for the day--Red Sox took game 1 of the ALCS! Woo! And hazaa! And jolly good! And whatnot! I'm trying not to find my happiness in baseball as I know the great potential of disappointment it holds in its chest, and true happiness cannot come from earthly things, but let's just say that it helps my days a lot right now. God helps more, but baseball is certainly not hurting. I really hope it can stay that way. A World Series repeat would be quite exciting.

Friends, enemies, amiable passersby, If you try to text me and I don't respond then my stupid phone probably rejected it & I have no way of telling who tried to text me. Sooo please use the old fashioned method of calling OR just keep texting your brains out til you get a response. Sorry for the inconvenience. I'll get a non-wonky phone as soon as Sprint lowers the price on one I actually like or on a pink one, whichever comes first. Yes I would buy a phone just because it's pink, in fact I have my eye on one right now, should the price become more reasonable. ;)

(This starts off bad, but it gets better I promise!) For most of the day I felt like Azina and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day . The day started off with needing air in my tires & one of them I just couldn't get a good seal on so instead of air going in, air only came out. I asked for help from the gas station mechanic & he told me the tires were full enough (they were not) and treated me like just some dumb girl. Now, I know I'm not dumb & some random stranger doesn't hold enough power over me to make me feel bad about myself, but it was frustrating & a waste of time & HOT. He did put some air in & the car drove much better--imagine that! I ended up being slightly late to work, but I called my boss to let him know & it was no problem. Work in itself was just frustrating for a million reasons. I had a frustrating email from a friend to whom I laid out some things from my heart & she made me feel completely misunderstood &

Don't make plans in October! Thankfully the Red Sox are in the postseason, but I will be missing games 1 & 2 of the ALDS against the Angels. Hopefully I will be able to watch game 3, which may or may not be the last game of the series depending on how things go. And in the event that we make the World Series, for which I have to hope, I will have to push back my tentatively planned apple orcharding as it would interfere with game 4. Additional note to self: find friends who watch baseball & will understand my need not to make plans during October. Seriously, no one gets the awesomeness, they all seem to think it's football season or something ridiculous like that. Sigh.

I have a fondness for balloons in places they don't belong, little bright spots in an otherwise unremarkable place. I almost always take a picture. I have countless photos of balloons floating randomly off to who knows where. This photo is from last week & by far my favorite. Of course when they're flying off to unknown locales I do always worry that they'll end up in the ocean & harm poor turtles or dolphins--by far the best sea creatures as sometimes they will best sharks & that's pretty badass. I know errant balloons do cause trouble, but I have to hope that the ones I see end up in Never Never Land or something instead. Second star to the right, straight on til morning . . .

Winter accessories are starting to find their way into Target! And while retail stores have a habit of ushering in seasons waaay before they're actually upon us, at least this means winter can't be too far off now. Plus now you can start stocking up on cute (or manly if that's you) hats & mittens & scarves. Woot! and Hazaa! and all that. Looks like I need to pick up my crochet hook again & get cracking!

In my hopes for this year I mentioned that I wanted to read more books, at least 6 this year. Despite a few pallid attempts, I have not done so well with that goal. Truth be told with the year about 70% over I have not done so well with many of the goals. I have not forgotten them and I do not think goals are bound by calendar years so I will be okay to still aim for them even as the days of '08 wane. In the past few weeks I have taken up reading again though. Spiritual works are my preference of the moment as I try to press more fully into God and allow him to carry me through. Here is my reading list as it stands: 1. To Own a Dragon - Donald Miller (completed) This book is written for guys who grew up without a father, but I think it is useful too for any people, maybe particularly in their 20s, who are still trying to make sense of life. Plus Donald Miller has such a great writing style & a great way of looking at the world that I think his works are always worth a sh

the sky looked deceptively wintry this morning oh how i wish it were not a farce i could use the stillness and clarity that only come in a world frozen over the reminder brought from falling on your face on the mountain that pain is temporary it always fades and always heals the joy of trying something new again and getting back up despite the fear of crashing and the hope of new life that comes as buds endeavor through the snow on the early wings of Spring ( though Spring can take it's dear sweet time, I'd really like a long winter & several chances to get up to the mountains )

About 2 months ago I sent a few messages back and forth with a woman named Jessica on Flickr. Her wedding story had been featured on Offbeatbride.com . This has been a favorite site of mine for a couple years as I love wedding stuff and party planning. It's pretty much the best of both worlds and furthermore gives great ideas for cost saving measures, and what 20-something party planner on a budget couldn't use that? Jessica's story caught my attention because she had a beautiful outdoor wedding for under $1000! That's AMAZING. And as it's my goal when the time comes to have a wedding for under $2000, I thought it would be useful to pick her brain for future reference if she was open to it. Thankfully she was very kind. One of my main questions was about photography and as fate would have it she's a photographer within reasonable driving distance of Los Angeles and said that she'd be happy to work out a deal with us if possible. That in itself was v

I kinda like that my God doesn't do things the way we expect. For instance in a strange way I'm learning more about love through a breakup than I think I ever have in my life. I'm learning that though I shut out my family for the most part over the past year, they are still here for me in my toughest time. And I'm learning that love can mean making a selfless decision that hurts you and isn't what you want, but it's what you do because you're trying to look out for someone else. And I'm learning that love means not warring against someone who made a tough decision that ended up hurting both of you. And it means an abiding hope that God can work things out at the appointed time and if you really are supposed to be with someone time & space & distance matter not. I'm learning that it means accepting a circumstance for what it is and seeking growth & peace & friendship until such time that God brings you to one another again, shoul

At my office there is a man named Walter. He is a Guatemalan immigrant probably in his early 30s. He does maintenance/custodial work for the building. He calls me amiguita, the Spanish diminutive form of friend. I speak enough broken Spanish & he enough broken English that we can communicate. He tells me of his wife & family and I had told him of my family & boyfriend. Whenever he sees me he always asks how I am and about mi novio (boyfriend) & today I was not good at putting on faces. I couldn't offer a fake bien (well). And he asked if I was sick. I said no. Triste (sad)? Yes. And so he concernedly sought the root of it, which didn't take much. And this isn't a story about me having a tough day or to make anyone feel bad. At this moment thanks to God & people in my office & my mom & a breaking of silence I'm feeling somewhat better. But the reason I tell this story is that Walter made sure I smiled before he walked away from my

If you're the praying type, please send one up for me. I am heartbroken. :( This is much more than I can bear alone.

It never ceases to amaze me the way God can shout through your pain. "I'm still here! I haven't given up, just hold my hand and I'll get you through this." It's incredibly difficult to trust sometimes especially when life goes in a direction completely opposite from what you planned/hoped/expected. The sermon tonight was on peace & Gideon. Peace I need and have in some ways been overwhelmed with, not because things are right or good at the moment or because I think they are how they are meant to be (they're certainly not), but rather because I know the God I serve brings peace in the midst of turmoil and does not leave things broken. Shalom is not bound by circumstances, praise God for that. Gideon, of all the characters to bring up, I'm blown away that his story was the launching place for the sermon tonight. He is my biblical hero; he is with whom I most identify. He was the least likely candidate, the weakest one of the weakest clan, hidi

I had a delightful realization a few nights ago--we are halfway through August which means it's very nearly fall! I love fall with all the sights and sounds and yummy foods that are often relegated to this time of year even though I believe it appropriate to enjoy them year round. Pumpkin pie? Definitely year round. Pumpkin spice latte? Oh if only Starbucks would keep it on the menu all 12 months of the year. Of course it's probably better for my purse strings that they do not. As it is I can't even remember the last time I patroned their overpriced establishment. I digress. I also recently realized that despite my love for all things pumpkin, well sweet pumpkin as I have yet to endeavor into the savory pumpkin world, I have never been to a pumpkin patch. I'm no country girl, but I do fancy things that seem quintessentially Midwestern or small town America: apple orchards, fairs, pumpkin patches, ice skating. The ironic thing is that I've experienced more

She was frail and had the squeaky voice of a twelve-year-old. The 4-carat solitaire weighed heavily on her hand. The band was thin, but ill-sized. The makings for a romantic Italian dinner advanced down the conveyor belt: wine, spaghetti, marinara sauce, parmesan, Italian bread. She intended to cook the meal and sit across from her fiance as he enjoyed it, but while at the table she would do little more that twirl the spaghetti about her fork and swirl around pools of tomato sauce. She had already eaten an apple for breakfast today and couldn't afford any extra calories, not if she wanted to look gorgeous in her wedding dress next month. No one loved her enough to tell her that taffeta and lace don't hang well on skeletons.

Uggh this presidential race/oil prices/democratic hornswaggle get more frustrating by the minute! Here are some facts for your viewing pleasure. In the first 6 years of the Bush administration gas prices went up by about 50%. Since Democrats took control of Congress 1.5 years ago (or 1/4 of 6 years), gas prices have gone up by MORE THAN 200%. They've doubled! What's better is that without fail time after time after time, 9 of 10 Republicans have voted FOR measures that have the potential of easing the oil strain without being environmentally irresponsible. At the same time without fail 9 of 10 Democrats have voted against these measures. Despite making promises in their run for Congress in 2006 to do something about gas prices. Back then gas was comfortably (though somewhat frustratingly) in the low $2's. Now we're looking at $5 nationwide within the next 3 weeks with no end in sight. YET they seek to blame Bush and the Republicans. I'm not exonerating anyon